Proper Care and Feeding of A Pvssy
Whether you are a vulva owner, or you're in relationship with someone with one, here's how to make the kitty purr.
Recently I’ve been writing the lesson content for The Pleasure Collective that starts two weeks from today! The Pleasure Collective is based on this question: is there more pleasure for me here in this moment? The first module, Loving What Is, is about love and acceptance. So many of us have frustration, irritation or even disgust about our bodies. What would change in your relationship to your body if you were able to get curious about what is happening? Curiosity can open the door to acceptance, which can open to love, which is the leavening agent required for change. In case you feel the call, you’re invited to join us! Registration is open through Saturday, January 27. The next container won’t open until fall of 2024.
When I was tiny, there was a couple that lived downstairs that had a kitten. I imprinted immediately. So began the genesis of my obsession with cats. I would later find out that I’m rather allergic to cats, but it doesn’t matter. It’s the cost of love and allergy pills are a price I’m willing to pay.
Under my roof live three felines, Ginger and Max… and me. My partner jokes that there are three black cats in this house.
Before we go further, let’s talk about the elephant in the room. That word.
Pussy can mean more than one thing. So let’s clarify.
If you are a feline owner, you may have pussycats who rely on you for care and feeding.
And if you are a vulva owner, then you have your own pussy who relies on you for care and feeding.
And if you are in relationship with a vulva owner, then you have a pussy who appreciates your care and feeding.
You may be wondering, why would you call a vulva a pussy?
I used to be very uncomfortable with the term pussy. It’s a pejorative term (that’s smart girl talk for mean): the highest of insults to lob at a man.
When it comes down to it, the term vagina is so clinical. And it only refers to inner part of the region, the vagina. It doesn’t encompass the outer labia, the vulva.
In case pussy doesn’t feel quite right (you may need to warm up to it), yoni is another name that you can try.
My meditation teacher Emily Fletcher calls it a hoo-ha, a term that she feels is gender inclusive.
So many vulva owners can get really stuck in their heads when it comes to their bodies. They can feel self-conscious about what their lover(s) think about their bodies, instead of dropping into the body and being actively embodied. If you’re someone who lives from the neck up, here’s 8 ways to tend to and cultivate a relationship with your pussy.
Washing. Water only! Soap is not required for washing, since the vagina has its own processes internally to keep itself clean. Last year, I heard an OB-GYN’s podcast where she says the whole feminine hygiene industry is a farce. It makes women believe that there is something wrong or dirty about their parts. There isn’t. A natural musk is to be expected. Hello, pheromones! This is how you call in your [future] lover. If there is a fishy smell downstairs, then this is a sign that something may be off balance, such as Bacterial Vaginosis (BV). See your doctor! It can be cleared with a round of antibiotics. Also, the vagina is more acidic on the pH scale, so taking a daily female probiotic helps to keep the flora and fauna balanced.
Optional: grooming. There are all variety of grooming options. Completely bare. Completely wild. Partially manicured. And all sorts of varieties in between. How, or whether you groom, is deeply personal. Matie, the owner of Self Serve Toys, a local sex shop in Albuquerque, says that if someone gets a haircut, you compliment them on it.
Let her breathe. Contrary to popular belief, the pussy likes to be dry and cool and left alone. (And of course wet during sex!) Wear cotton underwear. Dry off after you get out of the shower. Change out of wet swimsuits to avoid yeast infections. And hey, maybe skip the underwear altogether once in a while and let her breathe.