The Art of Receiving
What do you say when someone gives you a compliment? If you’re like most women, you may respond in a way that sounds something like:
“Oh this? I got it on sale!” This could be perceived as downplaying the compliment.
“Thanks! I like your outfit too.” This is an example of a reciprocal compliment.
“I couldn’t have done it without the support of my team.” This is deflection.
“Ugh, I totally messed up on this part of the presentation / dance, etc.” This is a self-depricating response, which could lead to the giver doubling down on their compliment.
“You think? It was alright.” This is an example of questioning your inherent value and contribution.
Do any of these sound familiar? 🙋🏽♀️
When you receive a compliment, do you let it land? Do you let it take root in you?
Listen. How we do one thing, is how we do everything.
If you struggle to receive a compliment, then you may also struggle to receive:
Love.
Affection.
Money.
Pleasure.
Promotions.
Paychecks.
Feedback.
Gifts.
Opportunities.
Recognition.
Gratitude.
Attention.
Apologies.
Inspiration.
Help.
Friendship.
Connection.
Oral sex.
Surrender.
Orgasms.
What if you could become excellent at receiving to make space for what you’re craving in your life?
The next someone gives you a compliment, try saying:
“Thank you so much! I receive that wholeheartedly.”
Period. End of story.
No need to tell them that thing you were wearing was on sale.
Or that you didn’t think you did your best on that pitch.
Or that it was because of your team that you accomplished this great feat.
While that might be, it’s time to flip the script, sweet pea.
Shifting your language will shift your experience. It will help you to be open and receptive to the goodness that wants to flow into you.
Let it in. Life wants to be lived through you. Will you let it?
Because think about it: when we receive, it means that we have more within us to give back.
A great way to open yourself up to receiving is by acknowledging what you have already received. You can’t build upon unacknowledged goodness. Until you acknowledge the abundance in your life, you may not realize how truly blessed you are.
I recommend a gratitude journaling practice where you make a list of five things that you are grateful for each day. It can be super simple.
Today I’m grateful to have a roof over my head
I’m grateful that I can breathe
I’m grateful to go to a coffee shop where they know my name
I’m grateful I meditated for ten minutes
I’m grateful for the hug I received
If journaling isn’t your thing, then just say what you’re grateful for when you’re in the shower, or getting ready for the day.
Putting yourself into a state of gratitude primes you to receive more. The universe loooooves to give to you. It wants to flood your life with all that you’re dreaming of. (By the way, the things that you want want you, too.)
However, when we spend the majority of our energy focusing on what’s not working, we’re actually attracting more of that into our life.
To flip the script, start small. See how gratitude calls in more goodness into your life.
Does receiving feel safe for you?
There’s this thing that happens in our nervous systems: We have a certain comfort level for how much we are willing to receive—a glass ceiling, if you will. If you survived on very little in your formative years, then your nervous system might not be used to abundance. Abundance might feel unsafe, suspicious or outside of your comfort zone.
It doesn’t mean that it has to stay this way.
Perhaps when you receive a compliment—or attention, or affection—you notice your body go into a flight or fight stress response. This may be because you feel unworthy or uncomfortable with receiving. It may be because historically anytime someone gave you a compliment, they had an agenda and wanted something from you. No wonder you wouldn’t trust that kind of attention. Your experiences are written in your cells.
The nervous system helps us to regulate our emotional responses to the world. A well-regulated nervous system helps us to be grounded, making it more likely for you to receive with grace.
Maybe you’ve heard the term neuroplasticity: this means that the brain can form new neural pathways. So just because it’s uncomfortable to receive today, doesn’t mean that it will always be this way. When you practice gratitude and opening up yourself to receive, you are rewiring your brain and nervous system to experience pleasure when you receive.
If you’ve been around Sex and Style for a while, you’ll know that I advocate a regular pleasure practice. This is a prime way to rewire your nervous system to be able to receive more of what you want.
While a pleasure practice can include sexual pleasure, this kind of practice may not be accessible for some people. There is an active charge around sexuality that can bring up resistance. The point is to meet the resistance and to get curious about it, not to steamroll and override it. Consent is paramount, so honor whatever resistance arises.
If you aren't entirely comfortable with a sexual pleasure practice, that’s okay. You can still benefit from the practice in a modified way.
Try a sensual pleasure practice: touch your skin in ways that feel good. Run your hands through your hair. Take a long bubble bath. Luxuriate in clean sheets. Feel the sun on your skin. What feels good? Follow that thread.
Our planet Gaia is a representation of the mother archetype. She is a giver.
Think about it: oxygen. Water. Nutrients. Food. All of these basic fundamental human needs are readily accessible.
When you’re feeling maxed out and starting to come undone, I have a simple solution for you. To come back into balance, all you have to do is