The Best Lessons 2024 Had to Offer
Today we’re closing out 2024 and knocking at the door of 2025. What better time to look back before we look forwards.
Sex and Style is written by Somatic Sex Coach Sarah Ward. This is intended as general advice. If you’d like a personalized guidance, I’d be honored to connect with you in a discovery session.
One of my favorite poets
recommended a collection of poetry called Bluets by Maggie Nelson, a love letter to the color blue, woven with the story of love lost in list format.I adore listicles. And it looks like you do, too. One piece that really resonated with Sex and Style readers this year was 40 Things I Know At 40.
So here’s another to close out the year, the 24 best lessons taken away from 2024.
PS: This post has lots of goodness and is longer than usual. I recommend reading in the browser so you don’t miss anything!
1.
Integration is how we digest what we experience. A way to put your experiences in a wood chipper, turn them into small bits and repurpose them.
2.
The voice is the vehicle that carries out the truth of what you know.
It’s possible to have a voice without hurting other people. We can be truthful and caring both. (Previous belief: Am I going to say something that will ruin everything? Or stay quiet at the expense of my wellbeing?)
3.
Your voice is needed.
I take away so much from every comment. (So if you feel so inclined… 😉)
I really appreciate my fellow writers
, and for their votes of confidence and supporting my voice this year. Loves, your voices matter to me.4.
Pain is a way that the body asks for tending. If your body feels out of sorts then seek out support from professionals to find out what is needed to return to equilibrium.
5.
Drugs are cool, but have you ever tried making endogenous chemicals with your body to feel some kinda way? Give yourself an orgasm and see what I mean. Our bodies are capable of making drugs all on their own.
6.
The friends that you can merely think about who call you within the hour are your people. Oh heyyy, so glad you got my psychic note.
7.
“Try to speak their language and people will fall in love with you,” said an African grandpa in East Vancouver who has traveled all his life.
Consider when a lover loves you in your erotic language. He’s so right.
In a very different context, I used Google Translate to communicate with my Cantonese grandma this holiday. My Cantonese and her English have minimal overlap, and this was the first time utilizing technology with her in a conversation. She told us the story of her arranged marriage, how she cried for three days after finding out, and didn’t have any choice in the matter.
Language isn’t a barrier for love. Despite language barriers, energy is universal.
8.
When we block the flow of life, we are cock blocks to our own life. If we can get out of the way, we can allow and invite in what is meant for us.
9.
When you’re exactly where you are meant to be, watch the way things line up, like ducks in a row.
10.
We’re all invested in each other’s success. When one of us succeeds, all of us succeeds.
11.
Each day I do a gratitude inventory of the day and allow the blessings of the day to be felt and extract all of the nutrients from the day. A gratitude practice is a way to bottle up the best that is meant for us.
As my friend Sherry says, “Celebrate who you are so thoroughly that you burn the bridge to who you used to be.”
12.
When vulva owners have painful ovulation, it may be because there are creative ventures that we aren’t actively pursuing. The female reproductive system, a woman/vulva owner’s creative center, shows us when we are out of alignment. Thanks to my medicine woman teacher Taj Savitri for this wisdom.
13.
When you’re lonely, just remember: you still haven’t met all the people who are going to love you.
14.
You can be surrounded by all the love in the world, but unless you’re open to receive, the love can roll right off of you. Receiving is a verb. It’s active, not passive.
15.
Pay attention to what you’re envious of in other people’s lives. Envy, like an arrow, will show you what you want.
16.
Men can be safe. During the Erotic Blueprints Pleasure Island Experience, I did a puja ceremony, a series of eye gazing sessions with complete strangers – mostly men. During this, I felt their open hearts. Their tenderness. Their vulnerability and sensitivity. It was so heart opening.
Men can be safe. Men can be tender. Men can be gentle. Men can be love.
(Fine print: men can also be predators. So be wise and watch for shark eyes.)
17.
The gatekeepers in our psyches have good intentions for us. (When I say gatekeepers, I’m referring to old code running in the background that prevents you from getting what you want.)
Sometimes they come on realllll strong, but once you sit and get to know them a little, you can discover their protectiveness of you, and ultimately their desires for you.
(DM me if you’d like to learn more about an experience like this!)
18.
When women/vulva owners have extended clitoral stimulation, it opens up possibilities for vaginal orgasms. All of that sexy goodness in the neighborhood transfers to the surrounding area. The key is to take your time. Don’t be attached to an outcome. See what happens when you let the pressure and performance go.
19.
The ways that we rush / push / fantasize / vibrate ourselves to get to the orgasm as fast as possible is not without its cost:
The cost of connection
The cost of not unfurling gently
The cost of a toe-curling O
The cost of more pleasure
Dreams are like poems to be sat with and learned from.
21.
I experienced a massive energy orgasm this year without any touch or penetration that lasted for the better part of an hour. When I thought about my lover and the love between us, the energy orgasm intensified. Love is an aphrodisiac.
22.
If people force a kundalini awakening, it can send them into psychosis. Don’t force. Let the process happen gradually.
23.
The patriarchy siphoned my power from me and made me believe that I had none. This couldn’t be further from the truth.
You are so powerful, that if you think you are not, you are not.
24.
My partner took the Erotic Blueprints quiz while we were at the Pleasure Island Experience this fall. Between knowing his Blueprint and understanding the power of the EB system, it reignited our relationship and sex life.
The Erotic Blueprints aren’t just for fixing something that is dysfunctional. It’s for supercharging what is already great.