The same source that made peonies made you.
Peony season is nearly upon us. These endless, effervescent blooms begin as a small, tight bud.
With proper care and feeding, peonies will unfold into exquisite multi-faceted flowers that will stop you in your tracks.
There is equal magic in you.
Sometimes in a bouquet of peonies there is one flower that never blooms, it just stays safe and contained.
Sometimes I see myself in that bud, so full of potential, and waiting for the right circumstances to unfurl.
If we want a flower to open to us, the trick is to nurture and allow… not to pry it open with greedy fingers.
And yet, how often do we force ourselves to open and unfold before we are ready?
In fairness, I’m not a florist or a master gardener so I don’t know the way to invite a bud to bloom.
But I do know what helps a woman’s body unfurl.
Curiosity.
Tenderness.
Time.
With enough time, anything is possible.
Do we give ourselves the luxury of time? Or do we grow impatient and even punitive?
It’s the difference between…
“My body doesn’t seem to be operating on my desired timeline. I wonder what there is to be known here?”
vs:
“I can’t believe I can’t get turned on by my partner / orgasm / get pregnant / fit into the same jeans I did when I was 22. There must be something wrong with me.”
Here’s one thing I know for sure:
The body is listening. How we speak to ourselves matters.
Is it safe to unfurl with the splendor of a peony?
Or is it safer to stay curled up in a tight bud than to bloom?
Here’s another way this could sound:
“I wonder how my upbringing makes me distrust the masculine?”
Vs:
“You better figure this out and fix this father wound or you’ll never find love.”
Can you hear the difference? What does it do to your insides to say these two perspectives out loud?
Which sounds more like how you talk to yourself?
It’s the difference between:
“I am inherently whole.”
And
“Something is inherently wrong with me.”
Which would you prefer to believe is true?
Which would you prefer to embody?
Tantra is the religion of the body. In it lies the belief that you are whole, that you are the embodiment of the goddess herself (or god himself, or the godx themself — however you identify) and that everything you are is as it should be.
The VITA coaching methodology I’m trained in has deep tantric roots.
Let’s be clear. This isn’t a belief I held for most of my life.
I grew up in an ultra-conservative religion and my body always seemed to be problem. Something to be subdued and tamed like a wild horse. To be dominated.
(It isn’t lost on me that this language is quite sexy now from a BDSM context…)
There I was, chasing solutions, confessing my sins constantly. Feeling broken. Seeking externally what could only ever come from within.
I read countless self-books and hired professionals to help fix me. The finish line didn’t seem to come any closer.
I was a project instead of a pinnacle.
The shift happened slowly at first. I edited out the external voices that were loudest and let my nervous system regulate. I let myself breathe.
And then I realized that I was speaking to myself gently, sweetly even. I was making choices that were supportive. I had developed an inner ecology that was supportive. This didn’t happen overnight. There was an arc.
Think of it like fertilizer for the flower bed. I weeded my garden and composted the old stories that didn’t serve. Nothing is ever wasted for the soul.
“I am inherently whole.”
What would shift inside of you if you believed this to be true?
