Animals “animal.” Many years ago, I helping my girlfriend prepare for a Christmas party. Her boss/mentor who is probably 15 years older got their first because she was bringing some vegetarian options. Long story short we wound up in the backyard trying to find our cat. Her boss’s dress blew up to reveal her panties. Pretty conservative, but she had an appeal that made it intrinsically arousing. She didn’t seem the SLIGHTEST bit embarrassed. I don’t think she even acknowledged it. But my girlfriend knew my fetish all too well. She wasn’t “mad” when she asked me if I got hard. I lied. I regret it now. And I still stroke to that moment. We are ridiculously over concerned about sexuality. It’s all so comprehensively fake. I wanted to fuck her boss AND my girlfriend simultaneously. It would not have changed any aspect of how much I loved her. I jack off to both of their memories. Animals…great post ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Thank you for sharing this experience Blixa, I can sense the deep erotic imprint that it left on you. I appreciate how your reflection on this encounter, all these years ago, shows you an inroad where something might have bloomed. The erotic charge; the curious question from your girlfriend; what could have transpired.
I hear your frustration. We have deeply embedded taboos woven into the cultural narrative around sex that take a lot of gentle unbraiding to break free from.
Alma, thank you for your beautiful words, I'm honored. Affairs are truly so complex, I really appreciated reading The State of Affairs years ago since Perel presented it with such neutrality, which we don't generally see. It stepped outside the typical morality that affairs are viewed under.
It's my pleasure. I'm grateful for your presence here.
I went to the theater tonight by myself for the first time in my life, on a whim, after reading your brilliant analysis, and I watched this movie. As a woman who has spent the last several years healing my internalized shame, I found the themes, and the way they were handled, to be profoundly moving. Thank you for your essay. I'm grateful to live in a time and place where I have access to all of this.
Susanna. I love this. Thank you for reporting back after your trip to the theater, thrilled that you found it to be moving for you. What a blessing it is to be able to connect meaningfully in this way across the country.
If you don't mind my asking, what have you found to be supportive of your journey in healing your internalized shame? (If you'd prefer to share privately, I welcome that as well)
Romy is searching for a new version of herself in this relationship. As a businesswoman, she had shut the doors to self-introspection, causing emotions to pile up beyond her control. They were on the verge of bursting, as they ultimately did in the movie Baby Girl. Through Tantra, we learn self-awareness and the art of navigating duality. Emotions find their natural flow, a place to rest and be tested, helping us avoid the emotional outbursts and accidents that Romy experienced.
Hi Rajat, I appreciate the way you worded "she had shut the doors to self-introspection, causing emotions to pile up beyond her control." It sounds like you are involved in Tantra. How do you find that Tantra supports navigating this type of duality? I would love to hear more about your experiences with this.
Although, I'm not sure that I would call what Romy experienced an accident, since she seemed very conscious about her choices and continuation of the affair.
I appreciate your thoughtful response! Tantra, as I see it, provides a framework for embracing and transcending dualities rather than being trapped by them. It acknowledges that suppression leads to fragmentation, while awareness leads to integration. When emotions pile up due to a lack of introspection, they often find chaotic outlets—sometimes in ways that feel beyond our control. Tantra encourages conscious engagement with our desires and fears, rather than avoidance, which can transform inner turmoil into clarity.
Regarding Romy, I see your point. Calling it an "accident" might not fully capture her agency in the situation. Perhaps it was more of an inevitability given the path she was on—one that she consciously continued yet struggled to fully integrate. What do you think?
Looking forward to hearing more of your perspective.
Animals “animal.” Many years ago, I helping my girlfriend prepare for a Christmas party. Her boss/mentor who is probably 15 years older got their first because she was bringing some vegetarian options. Long story short we wound up in the backyard trying to find our cat. Her boss’s dress blew up to reveal her panties. Pretty conservative, but she had an appeal that made it intrinsically arousing. She didn’t seem the SLIGHTEST bit embarrassed. I don’t think she even acknowledged it. But my girlfriend knew my fetish all too well. She wasn’t “mad” when she asked me if I got hard. I lied. I regret it now. And I still stroke to that moment. We are ridiculously over concerned about sexuality. It’s all so comprehensively fake. I wanted to fuck her boss AND my girlfriend simultaneously. It would not have changed any aspect of how much I loved her. I jack off to both of their memories. Animals…great post ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Thank you for sharing this experience Blixa, I can sense the deep erotic imprint that it left on you. I appreciate how your reflection on this encounter, all these years ago, shows you an inroad where something might have bloomed. The erotic charge; the curious question from your girlfriend; what could have transpired.
I hear your frustration. We have deeply embedded taboos woven into the cultural narrative around sex that take a lot of gentle unbraiding to break free from.
Thank you for being here and your kind words.
I loved the movie and how you interpreted the affair and it's complexities.
I believe this will be helpful for any woman in this situation or even considering an affair.
Your writing is so beautiful and I enjoy reading all your stories, and thank you.
Alma, thank you for your beautiful words, I'm honored. Affairs are truly so complex, I really appreciated reading The State of Affairs years ago since Perel presented it with such neutrality, which we don't generally see. It stepped outside the typical morality that affairs are viewed under.
It's my pleasure. I'm grateful for your presence here.
Damn! I have to watch this movie now😅🤤😮💨
It's a great one, Melissa, hope you enjoy! I went in a little skeptical and was pleasantly surprised! 🔥
This is an exquisite post. So well done!
Susanna, thank you for your words! It's an honor.
I went to the theater tonight by myself for the first time in my life, on a whim, after reading your brilliant analysis, and I watched this movie. As a woman who has spent the last several years healing my internalized shame, I found the themes, and the way they were handled, to be profoundly moving. Thank you for your essay. I'm grateful to live in a time and place where I have access to all of this.
Susanna. I love this. Thank you for reporting back after your trip to the theater, thrilled that you found it to be moving for you. What a blessing it is to be able to connect meaningfully in this way across the country.
If you don't mind my asking, what have you found to be supportive of your journey in healing your internalized shame? (If you'd prefer to share privately, I welcome that as well)
Romy is searching for a new version of herself in this relationship. As a businesswoman, she had shut the doors to self-introspection, causing emotions to pile up beyond her control. They were on the verge of bursting, as they ultimately did in the movie Baby Girl. Through Tantra, we learn self-awareness and the art of navigating duality. Emotions find their natural flow, a place to rest and be tested, helping us avoid the emotional outbursts and accidents that Romy experienced.
Hi Rajat, I appreciate the way you worded "she had shut the doors to self-introspection, causing emotions to pile up beyond her control." It sounds like you are involved in Tantra. How do you find that Tantra supports navigating this type of duality? I would love to hear more about your experiences with this.
Although, I'm not sure that I would call what Romy experienced an accident, since she seemed very conscious about her choices and continuation of the affair.
Hi Sarah,
I appreciate your thoughtful response! Tantra, as I see it, provides a framework for embracing and transcending dualities rather than being trapped by them. It acknowledges that suppression leads to fragmentation, while awareness leads to integration. When emotions pile up due to a lack of introspection, they often find chaotic outlets—sometimes in ways that feel beyond our control. Tantra encourages conscious engagement with our desires and fears, rather than avoidance, which can transform inner turmoil into clarity.
Regarding Romy, I see your point. Calling it an "accident" might not fully capture her agency in the situation. Perhaps it was more of an inevitability given the path she was on—one that she consciously continued yet struggled to fully integrate. What do you think?
Looking forward to hearing more of your perspective.
Best,
Rajat