More Pleasure, Less Pressure: 3 Ways to Reset
Pleasure isn’t about crossing a finish line — it’s about enjoying the journey. Here’s three tips for you to bring more depth and delight to your turn-on.
Sex and Style is written by Certified Sexologist and Somatic Sex Coach Sarah Ward. This is intended as general advice. If you’d like a personalized guidance, I’d be honored to connect in a discovery session.
When spring arrives, all I can think about is how nature is flirting with itself — the sun batting its eyelashes, flowers debuting their new ‘fits, birds making sweet music outside your window, bees cross-pollinating... The world is coming alive again and there is some sweet foreplay happening. Can you feel it?
Spring is all about aliveness, so what better time to refresh your relationship with pleasure. This is your chance to exfoliate old patterns, create space for new sensations and re-tune your body to deeper turn-on. After all, it’s possible for an instrument to get out of tune after a while. Your body is your instrument, baby.
So if pleasure hasn’t been inspiring you like it has in other seasons, here’s three things to help you glow-up and reset your pleasure barometer.
1. Toss the Vibrator
If your goal is to experience more pleasure, slowing down is key. Vibrators are incredible tools for getting you to the goal in no time flat, but if you’ve been relying on the thrumming vibrations as your go-to, it might be dulling your sensitivity to the subtle.
The point isn’t to get rid of the vibe forever. Just try setting it aside for a month and attuning your soma to the Tantric subtleties of breath, sounding and movement.
With breath, you can make yourself high while being totally sober.
When you sound your pleasure during sex, you can literally amplify the sensations in your soma.
And with movement, you can liberate your body, allowing you to access more of what you’ve been craving.
Put all those elements together, and you can start to shift your sensation to gentital-based to expand to other parts of your body. Umm, yes please!
You might be surprised at what you feel when you give your body a chance to fully come online.
(I’m not suggesting to take all sex toys off the table — just the vibrating ones!)
2. Bench the Porn
Porn can be a hot and playful way to spark arousal, but it’s kind of like the turn-on version of eating junk food. Sure, you could survive on a diet of McDonald’s 24/7, but is that thriving? Said another way, if given a 7-course meal, would your palette appreciate it? Could your taste buds really turn on? (Nothing against the occasional cheat day to indulge in fries and a cheeseburger)
Here’s another draw-back to a reliance on porn. As a highly visual medium, if your brain is busy running a mental reel of explicit scenes every time you’re having sex, you might be more in your head than in your body. And if you have a lover, there’s a good chance they can feel the disconnect.
Take a break from the visual stimuli for a few weeks and notice what shifts in your connection to yourself and / or your lover.
Are you more in tune with your body’s arousal cues? Do you feel more connected to your lover and yourself? Are the scenes that you’re seeing on the screen really what you crave, or does your erotic imagination kick in when given the chance?
The point isn’t to bench porn forever. Take a couple weeks off the sauce and see whether it allows you to tap into deeper pleasure.
3. Let Go of the Goal
Our culture is obsessed with orgasm (who could blame them), so we’ve learned that sex has a goal: the happy ending. But while we’re chasing a finish line and focusing on where we could be, it can prevent us from experiencing the full range of sensations that are happening right now. It’s like erotic future tripping.
What happens if you take orgasm off the table? Instead of racing down the same pathway everytime towards climax, could you slow it down and feel into what feels juicy, moment to moment? The breath of your lover on your skin. The tension of the tease. How does pleasure build when there’s no pressure to perform?
Here’s the invitation from your favorite Sexologist: be less goal-oriented, and chase pleasure instead.
Ready for More?
Your Pleasure Expansion Kit Checklist Is Here.
Wait till you see what I’ve put together for you.
The Pleasure Expansion Kit Checklist is filled with creative, unexpected ways to wake up your body and explore pleasure beyond your usual pleasure routine. And the best part? Most of the tools are already in your home.
Here’s what you can expect:
💫 Everyday household items to support your turn-on
🔥 Sensory-based ideas for each of the five Erotic Blueprint™ types
✨ A new lens to explore your desires — without spending a dime
Ready to play? Grab your free checklist here 👇🏼
Sex and Style is written by Certified Sexologist, Somatic Sex and Style Coach, Sarah Ward. She has spent the last 20 years studying human sexuality and minted it in 2021, certifying in the VITA™ Methodology with Layla Martin, and as an Erotic Blueprints™ Coach with Jaiya. For a personalized approach to pleasure, schedule a free call with Sarah.
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Definitely forwarding this to the goddesses in my life.🙏
Looking at all the flowers in my house a little differently today. Thanks for that. Great advice all around. Thanks for that too!