I found my father's Playboys when I was about 7 or 8... I started my period at 9 years old (in 1967!) so I think the pump was primed so to speak.
I've always enjoyed porn but I've also been acutely aware that it isn't real. That real sex isn't at all like porn. And as I've gotten older, I've been more bothered by the choking and hands around necks (mostly of women's necks) and slapping women's vulva than anything else. It screams misogyny to me.
And maybe I'm old but if I want to get slapped or choked, I would negotiate a BDSM scene and not just a "regular " sexual encounter.
I agree that porn can be harmful to younger minds - especially young men. I have no idea what the alternative should be these days but I have found that woman- made porn to be absent of the misogyny and hotter than anything mass- produced.
Sarah, thank you for adding your story and perspective. I appreciate your measured relationship with porn, and the intuitive knowing that this isn't real life.
Choking is a very real health hazard, it needs to be done delicately and with care. Ugh, agreed on slapping women's vulvas -- and breasts. I'm not interested either. Spanking feels different somehow, kinkier.
Yes to feminist and women-made porn. It seems to follow the real-life arc and prioritize pleasure for women in a way that most mainstream stuff does not.
It's a double edged propaganda tool, which is ultimately blaming any industry, prostitution from Christian times and obviously previous in history, to blaming and shaming what is or was always a shady subject, when you really level the whole deal of description of pornigraphy, it's the same as heroin or prohibition or drugs, drive it underground and the black market is unregulated, it's governmental control and most porn are actors and professionals, who would knock the Hollywood Oscars into the shit they've created, accepting awards, while funded by subliminal targeted beliefs with backing from dubious funding, and they keep there clothes on while thanking God and shite 😉
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, xena. Some version of this has been around for millennia; we've seen the drawings on cave walls, and the sex scenes on Greek pottery and ancient Japanese erotic art. Great point about things going underground and becoming unregulated. It makes me think about sex workers and how if we were able to acknowledge their profession as one that is providing an essential service, that we could give them the ability to have health insurance and more protection than they currently have access to.
Seriously. Where’s the political coalition of women and men who simply believe politicians — their minds or their hands — don’t belong in our bedrooms, on our bodies, in our families and in our fantasies?
Yesss, Dana. When it came to Roe v. Wade, we saw coalitions of concerned citizens protesting in spades. BLESS. I agree that it extends beyond just reproductive rights, into our bedrooms, our families and our fantasies. That's something I can get behind 1000%.
This is a great piece about taking away our rights, liberties, and pursuit of happiness.
You are right, just because they prohibited alcohol, consumers of porn will find it in other places.
Just like right now, the prohibition of sex work, people still do it. And it takes away from the healthcare of those workers. It takes away the safety of the consumers. And guess what, the people that are trying to take that away are people who are guilty of the same pleasures.
I grew up with "backdoor Baptists" -- those who sit and listen to a sermon and shout amen about the dangers of alcohol and other "sins". But they also would go to the backdoor of the gas station to get a case of beer.
I've learned this with alcohol -- set the example for others. Use it safely, consume moderately. And if you don't at least don't drive home.
Teach safety, enforce safety. Educate. So many people need that.
Truly, Frame & Ink. I love how you brought in the pursuit of happiness. The erotic is absolutely a place for us to explore that happiness in the privacy of our own homes and relationships. We all know that the conservative script says that this happens between a man and a woman, but we're far more fluid here.
Even though sex work isn't legal in America, it doesn't mean that it doesn't happen. Every time there is a major sports event, sex workers are brought in by the thousands to be accessible for the attendees. Sex work is WORK and deserves to be protected. Sex workers need healthcare and resources to keep them safe and well on the front lines, with everything that they are exposed to.
The powers that be will always have access to abortions and porn and whatever else they are craving. It's just everyone else that will have limited, unsafe access.
Thank you for sharing your two cents! Glad to have your perspective here.
Great piece, Sarah. Many thanks. I feel that if these righteous people want to take porn out of the equation, there should at least be something ‘better’ offered in its place. For the reasons you cite. What a wonderful world it would be if there were funding for girls and women and boys and men to embrace and safely explore the healthiest expressions of their sexual potential, where shame becomes the target and personal juiciness the objective! Federal support for tantra teachings?! Funding for Wild Woman retreats! Puberty journey weekends and menopause celebration groups- probably for women AND men… Anyway, please keep writing and inspiring us all to join the conversation.
Thanks for your kind words, Piers, and your presence. I am so inspired by the ways that you're adding to the conversation and exploring healthy contexts where we could rise to our sexual potential. Can you imagine federal support for this?! Yessss! How that would change things. I love how you're expanding our vistas to include something bigger and better. I'm on board with this, full stop!
I think the popularity of porn points to a few interesting things: 1) we don’t get a proper education on the mechanics of sex and bodily pleasure in school, so we seek it elsewhere, and 2) I think we just have a natural predisposition to like to watch other people getting it on!
PS - If they manage to pass this law I hope someone makes a fortune selling bootleg porn.
100%, Rebel! I think we can all agree that a lot of people care about sex, and wanting to do it 'right' and in a way that brings them and their partner pleasure. And since we have a thirst and curiosity to understand it more, we will seek it out naturally. And yes, it's sexy to watch other people -- and being watched!
Sarah, you have written an outstanding analysis of porn. Your readers are very fortunate to be able to access your wisdom.
I also want to say that you embody high ethical standards. I truly hope that many people are able to engage with you as clients, and really, in a sense, they are patients.
All things considered, you are a very wise woman, and are truly helping people live better lives through sex positive education and therapy.
Frederick, thank you so much for your heartfelt share. This is my desire as well, to be able to support people in their sexual reclamation and rewriting the stories that have kept us trapped in the prisons of our own minds.
It's my pleasure to bring this continuing sex-education here. I certainly didn't have access to this growing up in a conservative context, so it's a gift to have created this platform to make it more readily available for all.
I found my Dad's Playboy/Penthouse stash when I was 7ish. Didn't know why, but I knew I liked what I was seeing!
Luckily, didn't warp my ability to distinguish between porn and real life -- there's no farting in porn; often enough IRL.
And, yep, that puritan strain (I would say stain) on America is all too real. As you note, this is all about control and, though you didn't say it, a piece of the overall attempt to transform America from a Democracy to a white supremacist christo fascist state.
Thank you for sharing your experience, Bryant! I appreciate your perspective that even though you discovered Playboys and Penthouse at an early age, it didn't have lasting harmful effects on you.
Puritan stain indeed. I'm glad that you picked up on the through line without it being named explicitly. Consent matters in all realms, including the future of democracy and the state. Let's do better.
Thanks for your thoughts, Teddi. The pendulum is certainly swinging far in the other direction. I think there's a way to protect children and women without criminalizing all porn.
OMG, Jeff 😱 Too soon! There's an addendum to The Handmaids' Tale where Margaret Atwood says that she didn't invent anything that she hadn't seen evidence of in history. It's haunting.
All you say is true. Engaging in and with pornography is participating in a dark lie that’s harms all involved, whether you’re on the production/creation side or the receiving/consumption end. A deal with the devil for both. Just my stupid opinion.
I found my father's Playboys when I was about 7 or 8... I started my period at 9 years old (in 1967!) so I think the pump was primed so to speak.
I've always enjoyed porn but I've also been acutely aware that it isn't real. That real sex isn't at all like porn. And as I've gotten older, I've been more bothered by the choking and hands around necks (mostly of women's necks) and slapping women's vulva than anything else. It screams misogyny to me.
And maybe I'm old but if I want to get slapped or choked, I would negotiate a BDSM scene and not just a "regular " sexual encounter.
I agree that porn can be harmful to younger minds - especially young men. I have no idea what the alternative should be these days but I have found that woman- made porn to be absent of the misogyny and hotter than anything mass- produced.
Sarah, thank you for adding your story and perspective. I appreciate your measured relationship with porn, and the intuitive knowing that this isn't real life.
Choking is a very real health hazard, it needs to be done delicately and with care. Ugh, agreed on slapping women's vulvas -- and breasts. I'm not interested either. Spanking feels different somehow, kinkier.
Yes to feminist and women-made porn. It seems to follow the real-life arc and prioritize pleasure for women in a way that most mainstream stuff does not.
It's a double edged propaganda tool, which is ultimately blaming any industry, prostitution from Christian times and obviously previous in history, to blaming and shaming what is or was always a shady subject, when you really level the whole deal of description of pornigraphy, it's the same as heroin or prohibition or drugs, drive it underground and the black market is unregulated, it's governmental control and most porn are actors and professionals, who would knock the Hollywood Oscars into the shit they've created, accepting awards, while funded by subliminal targeted beliefs with backing from dubious funding, and they keep there clothes on while thanking God and shite 😉
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, xena. Some version of this has been around for millennia; we've seen the drawings on cave walls, and the sex scenes on Greek pottery and ancient Japanese erotic art. Great point about things going underground and becoming unregulated. It makes me think about sex workers and how if we were able to acknowledge their profession as one that is providing an essential service, that we could give them the ability to have health insurance and more protection than they currently have access to.
Seriously. Where’s the political coalition of women and men who simply believe politicians — their minds or their hands — don’t belong in our bedrooms, on our bodies, in our families and in our fantasies?
Yesss, Dana. When it came to Roe v. Wade, we saw coalitions of concerned citizens protesting in spades. BLESS. I agree that it extends beyond just reproductive rights, into our bedrooms, our families and our fantasies. That's something I can get behind 1000%.
This is a great piece about taking away our rights, liberties, and pursuit of happiness.
You are right, just because they prohibited alcohol, consumers of porn will find it in other places.
Just like right now, the prohibition of sex work, people still do it. And it takes away from the healthcare of those workers. It takes away the safety of the consumers. And guess what, the people that are trying to take that away are people who are guilty of the same pleasures.
I grew up with "backdoor Baptists" -- those who sit and listen to a sermon and shout amen about the dangers of alcohol and other "sins". But they also would go to the backdoor of the gas station to get a case of beer.
I've learned this with alcohol -- set the example for others. Use it safely, consume moderately. And if you don't at least don't drive home.
Teach safety, enforce safety. Educate. So many people need that.
Truly, Frame & Ink. I love how you brought in the pursuit of happiness. The erotic is absolutely a place for us to explore that happiness in the privacy of our own homes and relationships. We all know that the conservative script says that this happens between a man and a woman, but we're far more fluid here.
Even though sex work isn't legal in America, it doesn't mean that it doesn't happen. Every time there is a major sports event, sex workers are brought in by the thousands to be accessible for the attendees. Sex work is WORK and deserves to be protected. Sex workers need healthcare and resources to keep them safe and well on the front lines, with everything that they are exposed to.
The powers that be will always have access to abortions and porn and whatever else they are craving. It's just everyone else that will have limited, unsafe access.
Thank you for sharing your two cents! Glad to have your perspective here.
Great piece, Sarah. Many thanks. I feel that if these righteous people want to take porn out of the equation, there should at least be something ‘better’ offered in its place. For the reasons you cite. What a wonderful world it would be if there were funding for girls and women and boys and men to embrace and safely explore the healthiest expressions of their sexual potential, where shame becomes the target and personal juiciness the objective! Federal support for tantra teachings?! Funding for Wild Woman retreats! Puberty journey weekends and menopause celebration groups- probably for women AND men… Anyway, please keep writing and inspiring us all to join the conversation.
Thanks for your kind words, Piers, and your presence. I am so inspired by the ways that you're adding to the conversation and exploring healthy contexts where we could rise to our sexual potential. Can you imagine federal support for this?! Yessss! How that would change things. I love how you're expanding our vistas to include something bigger and better. I'm on board with this, full stop!
I think the popularity of porn points to a few interesting things: 1) we don’t get a proper education on the mechanics of sex and bodily pleasure in school, so we seek it elsewhere, and 2) I think we just have a natural predisposition to like to watch other people getting it on!
PS - If they manage to pass this law I hope someone makes a fortune selling bootleg porn.
100%, Rebel! I think we can all agree that a lot of people care about sex, and wanting to do it 'right' and in a way that brings them and their partner pleasure. And since we have a thirst and curiosity to understand it more, we will seek it out naturally. And yes, it's sexy to watch other people -- and being watched!
Sarah, you have written an outstanding analysis of porn. Your readers are very fortunate to be able to access your wisdom.
I also want to say that you embody high ethical standards. I truly hope that many people are able to engage with you as clients, and really, in a sense, they are patients.
All things considered, you are a very wise woman, and are truly helping people live better lives through sex positive education and therapy.
Frederick, thank you so much for your heartfelt share. This is my desire as well, to be able to support people in their sexual reclamation and rewriting the stories that have kept us trapped in the prisons of our own minds.
It's my pleasure to bring this continuing sex-education here. I certainly didn't have access to this growing up in a conservative context, so it's a gift to have created this platform to make it more readily available for all.
I'm truly blessed by your words, thank you.
I found my Dad's Playboy/Penthouse stash when I was 7ish. Didn't know why, but I knew I liked what I was seeing!
Luckily, didn't warp my ability to distinguish between porn and real life -- there's no farting in porn; often enough IRL.
And, yep, that puritan strain (I would say stain) on America is all too real. As you note, this is all about control and, though you didn't say it, a piece of the overall attempt to transform America from a Democracy to a white supremacist christo fascist state.
Thank you for sharing your experience, Bryant! I appreciate your perspective that even though you discovered Playboys and Penthouse at an early age, it didn't have lasting harmful effects on you.
Puritan stain indeed. I'm glad that you picked up on the through line without it being named explicitly. Consent matters in all realms, including the future of democracy and the state. Let's do better.
Thank you I just believe open communication is the key here. When the pendulum swings it always goes way overboard
Thanks for your thoughts, Teddi. The pendulum is certainly swinging far in the other direction. I think there's a way to protect children and women without criminalizing all porn.
Modern internet porn amounts to sexual abuse of teen boys. They can’t look away. It’s insane and we’re in denial. It’s so unhealthy.
I guess soon there will be a ceremony to impregnate like handmaids.
OMG, Jeff 😱 Too soon! There's an addendum to The Handmaids' Tale where Margaret Atwood says that she didn't invent anything that she hadn't seen evidence of in history. It's haunting.
Porn is soul destroying.
I can respect your perspective, Will, considering the brutality, violence and misogyny present in porn.
All you say is true. Engaging in and with pornography is participating in a dark lie that’s harms all involved, whether you’re on the production/creation side or the receiving/consumption end. A deal with the devil for both. Just my stupid opinion.