The Sacred Self-Gaze: A Path to Self Love and Liberation
Using mirror work, let's reclaim your connection to your genitals and see your inherent divinity with the help of a self-gaze exercise. Your pussy is a portal. Your cock is a wand of light.
Sex and Style is written by Certified Sexologist and Somatic Sex Coach Sarah Ward. This is intended as general advice. If you’d like a personalized guidance, I’d be honored to connect with you in a discovery session.
This practice builds on a recent piece I wrote, The Pussy is a Portal. This is all about the sacredness of the pussy and the way that we can reclaim this once pejorative term.
Back in 2022, I attended a week-long VITA™ retreat in Costa Rica hosted by Layla Martin for our coaching cohort, with 100 other sex witches. In an all-female and gender non-conforming group, we spent a great deal of time in the nude, or partial state of dress. I have never seen so many vulvas in my life. There is an absolute array — each one unique, like a fingerprint, or a face.
Each night we participated in sacred rituals, and one of the evenings, we were divided into small groups and we each took turns gazing at each other’s pussies and saying adoring things about her.
Believe me when I say that it brought up a lot for each of us. One woman bowed out. Another kept her panties on, so she could engage at her own comfort level. It was soooo deeply vulnerable to show our most sacred selves — parts of ourselves that as women, we don’t often even see — to a group of veritable strangers and to expand our comfort zones and open our hearts to receive these words.
So, while you may not be signing for a tantric sex witch retreat in the jungles of Costa Rica anytime soon, I do have some optional homeplay for you. (At Sex and Style, we use “homeplay”, because “homework” sounds so blase).
The assignment, should you choose to accept it (because consent matters!) is a pussy or cock gazing experience, depending on your anatomy. This is designed to help you to release any shame or discomfort you may feel about your parts, and to see your genitals as divine.
Sacred Pussy Connection Experience
Gather a mirror, a journal, and find a comfortable space, like a bed or sofa where you can recline. I recommend having some sensual music playing and lighting a candle so that it feels like a ritual experience. You may want to have a soft blanket that you can lay on to enhance the pleasurable experience.
Start touching your body sensually in a way that feels good. Take your time here to turn your body on and bring it online. That could look like:
Stroking your face
Combing or touching your hair
Energetically and lightly tracing your fingertips down your arm
Letting your hands trace your breasts
Giving some sensual contouring touch to your thighs
Check in with your body. Do you feel ready to remove your panties? When you feel a yes, make yourself comfortable and remove your panties.
Consent matters. If your body says no, honor that. You can proceed with your panties on if that feels right for you. It’s okay. You’re meeting these parts of you with so much love.
Using the mirror, gaze at your pussy (either clothed or unclothed) and just notice what comes up for you. Do your best to be present with what rises. Notice it with neutrality.
You may notice feelings arise that may include discomfort, self-consciousness, or tenderness. Everything is welcome here.
Say hello and thank you. Whatever rises, you’re invited to welcome it. Get curious about this voice. Allow it to be here and take up space.
We aren’t trying to change anything about what you notice. Just be present.
Recognize your pussy as something that serves you.
Your pussy helps you pass the waste that is ready to leave your body.
Your pussy is a source of pleasure.
If you are a parent, your pussy was the avenue through which your child passed. Every human that was born came through a womb through the pussy as a vaginal canal (with the exception of cesareans delivery).
Your pussy is your source of wisdom and the seat of inner knowing. See your pussy as a portal with its own innate wisdom.
Ask your pussy if it has a message for you.
Tune in to your pussy and listen.
You may hear something. You may hear nothing. That’s okay. What matters is that you are establishing a relationship with yourself.
If you receive a message, honor it by journaling what comes through.
If you feel called, you have the option to fold in an element of pleasure.
If your pussy is a yes, apply some lube and begin to stroke your vulva in a pleasurable way.
Pay attention to the sensations that you feel. Breathe into your pussy.
As you watch, notice the changes that happen when you stroke your vulva. Watch the colors deepen, the lips and clitoris engorge, see the shimmer of lubrication that begins to form in your folds.
Compare what you are seeing in your vulva now to the vulva before it was stimulated.
As vulva owners, we don't regularly get to see our vulva. Does it add an element of pleasure to watch yourself self-pleasure?
When that feels complete, rest and give yourself a few minutes to integrate your experience. That may include journaling any takeaways.
How was that for you? If you would like to be witnessed in your experience, I invite you to leave a comment below. The comments are behind a paywall also, so this is a safe and sacred space for sharing.
Sacred Cock Connection Experience
Find a comfortable space, like a bed or sofa where you can recline and get comfortable. You may want to turn on some sensual music so that it feels like a ritual experience. You may enjoy having a soft blanket that you can lay on to enhance the pleasurable experience.
Start touching your body sensually in a way that feels good. Take your time here to turn your body on and bring it online. That could look like:
Touching your face
Touching your hair or massaging your scalp
Energetically and lightly tracing your fingertips down your arm
Letting your hands cascade down your chest
Giving some sensual contouring touch to your thighs
Check in to see if your body is a yes for you to remove your underwear.
Consent matters. If your body says no, honor that. You can proceed with your boxers on if that feels right for you. It’s okay. You’re meeting these parts of you with so much love.
Gaze at your cock and just notice what comes up for you. See if you can be a witness with neutrality.
You may notice feelings arise that may include discomfort, self-consciousness, or tenderness. Everything is welcome here.
Say hello and thank you. Whatever rises, you’re invited to welcome it. Get curious about this voice. Allow it to be here and take up space.
We aren’t trying to change anything about what you notice. Just be present.
Recognize your cock as something that serves you.
Your cock helps you pass the waste that is ready to leave your body.
Your cock is a source of pleasure.
See your cock as a generative force. Every person on the planet came into being through the life-giving sperm that penis-owners produce.
Your cock is a wand of light. See your cock and the consciousness that it holds, to be able to penetrate, pleasure and initiate.
Ask your cock if it has a message for you.
Tune in and listen.
You may hear something. You may hear nothing. That’s okay. What matters is that you are establishing a relationship with yourself.
If you receive a message, honor it by journaling what comes through.
If you feel called, you have the option to fold in an element of pleasure.
Without the use of visual aids, apply some lube and begin to stroke your cock.
Pay attention to the sensations that you feel. Breathe into your cock.
Witness the changes that happen when you stroke yourself. Watch the shaft lengthen and engorge, see the shimmer of lubrication on the tip.
Compare what you are seeing in your cock now to the cock before it was stimulated.
When that feels complete, rest and give yourself a few minutes to integrate your experience. That may include journaling any takeaways.
How was that for you? If you would like to be witnessed in your experience, I invite you to leave a comment below. The comments are behind a paywall also, so this is a safe and sacred space for sharing.
Sex and Style is written by Certified Sexologist, Somatic Sex and Relationship Coach and Wardrobe Stylist, Sarah Ward. She spent the last 20 years studying human sexuality and is certified in the VITA™ Methodology with Layla Martin and as an Erotic Blueprints™ Coach with Jaiya. For personalized support, schedule a free discovery call with Sarah.
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