What Claiming a Dragon Has to do with Taking a Lover
Ride or Die: the surprising connection between dragons and romantic relationships
Sex and Style is written by Somatic Sex Coach Sarah Ward. This is intended as general advice. If you’d like a personalized guidance, I’d be honored to connect with you in a discovery session.
It’s the year of the dragon, in more ways than one. Something you may not know about me: I’m obsessed with dragons. Obsessed.
In case you’re asking yourself, “C’mon, Sarah — what do dragons have to do with sex and style?” Allow me:
Dragons are part of the fantasy realm. The bedroom is a prominent place that fantasies play out, if nothing more than in people’s imaginations.
Some of the sickest clothes out there have dragons emblazoned on them. I have a mesh lingerie bodysuit that has a velvet dragon on the back. It’s hot 🥵. Maybe if you’re good, one day I’ll show you.
Here’s a few swoon-worthy dragon-inspired pieces to turn you onto dragons:
And if you’re stuck on the fact that dragons on mythical creatures, so is the phoenix. But no one throws shade at the phoenix rising.
Dragons were prominent characters in the last season of The House of the Dragon 🐉. If you haven’t finished the season yet, this contains spoilers! Read at your own risk. If you finished the series, feel free to skip ahead.
The House of the Dragon Backstory
The House of the Dragon is the origin story of the HBO series Game of Thrones. The story takes place in a medieval realm and the Targaryen royal family have a special connection to dragons.
The dragons are seen as gods: ancient and virtually indestructible. The Targaryens are the last of the Valyrian dragonlords and they share the same blood and a language: Dragons understand High Valyrian, the language of the kings. Only Valyrians ride dragons.
Much like Game of Thrones, there’s a power struggle for the throne. King Viserys died, and his succession plan was for his first-born daughter Rhaenyra be his heir.
But on his death bed, Queen Alicent Hightower misinterpreted something the King said, thinking he’d changed his mind to crown her son Aegon king instead.
Since the rightful queen Rhaenyra was on Dragonstone, too far away to hear the news of his passing (pre-texting days, alas), the Hightowers put a sneaky plan in motion to have Aegon ascend the throne instead.
This mistake would bring war to the entire realm.
Back to dragons. Since this is a Targaryen family feud, both sides have dragons — the medieval version of nuclear bombs. You introduce dragons, and it gets dark, fast.
The Hightowers in King’s Landing have the largest dragon in the realm, Vhagar.
While Queen Rhaenyra and her kin have dragons of their own, they aren’t large enough to face the behemoth Vhagar alone — who already claimed one of the smaller dragons and their rider at the end of Season 1. That said, Dragonstone has several more formidable dragons — without dragon-riders.
They hatch a wily plan, rounding up a motley crew of Targaryen bastards, hopeful that the blood isn’t too watered down to be successful in claiming a dragon.
Queen Rhaenyra introduces the lot to Vermithor, also known as the Bronze Fury, a former King’s mount and the second largest dragon in the realm. Part of the sales pitch is that in trying to claim a dragon, there’s a chance you might die. (obvi)
As you might expect, the scene goes sideways fast and becomes a BBQ dragon feast. Blood and carnage ensue and the bastards’ numbers quickly dwindle.
Hugh Hammer, a blacksmith and one of the last surviving bastards, comes out from hiding and takes a strong stance against Vermithor.
It’s not unlike how you might behave if you met a bear in the woods: take up as much space as possible, and make a shit ton of noise.
That’s when a surprising thing happens. Amid all the chaos (that the dragon himself caused), Vermithor is calmed and allows himself to be claimed by Hugh.
Later, I realized an interesting parallel.
Claiming a dragon is not unlike taking a new lover.
During the dating / courting / sifting process, there are usually a few potential candidates.
Some disappointing. Some with promise.
At the end of the night, who do you choose?
The one that makes you feel safe. (And hot.)
A High Valyrian word that Targaryen nobles speak to the dragons is “calm”.
There’s a touching moment when Queen Rhaenyra whispers “calms” to Vermithor, touches his nose and they sync, both closing their eyes.
Feminine / Masculine Polarity
From a polarity perspective, the dragons can be seen as the feminine: emotional, changeable and a force to be reckoned with. The feminine is rooted in all that changes: she contains the seasons.
The dragon-riders can be seen as the masculine: steady, grounded and unshakable. The masculine is rooted in that which never changes.
In order to fully surrender, the feminine can’t relax until she is grounded by the masculine. The dragons need the stability of the dragon-riders to be able to surrender.
An important distinction when it comes to polarity: Masculine and feminine can also be referred to as yin (feminine) and yang (masculine) for less gendered language. The masculine partner isn’t always a man, nor is the feminine partner always a woman.
In every romantic relationship — including same-sex couples — both polarities are present. One partner will lean more feminine and the other will lean more masculine. Who is in which polarity can switch throughout the course of a day — or a relationship.
Regardless of gender, claiming a dragon and taking a lover is contingent on respect, bonding, consent and trust — and a healthy measure of heat🔥.
In dragon-riding and romance alike, it’s about finding a partner who complements you and balances you out. Someone who allows you to unfold into your most fiery self.
Sex and Style is written by Certified Somatic Sex and Relationship Coach and Wardrobe Stylist, Sarah Ward. She has spent the last 20 years studying human sexuality and minted it in 2021, certifying in the VITA™ Methodology with Layla Martin and as an Erotic Blueprints™ Coach with Jaiya. For personalized support, schedule a free discovery call with Sarah.
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Maybe if you’re good I’ll show you 😂😂😂😂😂 dying
I am a dragon and I have a dragon. 🐲🐉