What to Do with Your Rage
A how-to guide to unleash it responsibly and move from anger to action.
Sex and Style is written by Somatic Sex Coach Sarah Ward. This is intended as general advice. If you’d like a personalized guidance, I’d be honored to connect with you in a discovery session.
Before we jump in, here’s a quick update. This Wednesday I taught MORgasm, a live workshop with 10 juicy tips for cultivating female pleasure and orgasm. The recording is available for paid subscribers, so if you’d like to go deeper, I encourage you to upgrade! Not only does it help to fund things like this, it’s also a vote of confidence in me and my offering, which means a lot. The recording will be available for two weeks.
Years ago, I belonged to a women’s group where we read Women Who Run With the Wolves by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes. When we read the chapter on rage, I was surprised to find that I couldn’t access any rage in my experience — yet the other women had plenty. I had been recently emancipated from my religion and was still thawing.
Let me tell you. The rage is rising now.
Chances are you don't need to be reminded how women's rights and body autonomy are under seige on the political stage.
The Supreme Court overturning Roe v. Wade rolled back nearly 50 years of progress and protection of women’s reproductive freedoms.
It’s an election year. And if you are a woman with a womb, there’s a lot to be outraged about. For my male readers, while you may not be directly impacted, I hope you’re rising in defense of the women you care for. Let’s unite in a shared cause.
Here’s the facts. We have an indicted former US president, convicted rapist and felon who inspired a coup on Washington, DC on January 6, 2021, spurred on by alleged election fraud.
He is running for re-election in 2024 and chose JD Vance as his running mate. In 2021, Vance slandered childless cat ladies, saying that because they don’t have children, they aren’t as invested in the republic. This quote recently resurfaced, thanks to a tweet by Hillary Clinton:
“We’re effectively run in this country, via the Democrats … by a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they’ve made. And so they wanna make the rest of the country miserable, too.
“You look at Kamala Harris, Pete Buttigieg, AOC — the entire future of the Democrats is controlled by people without children. And how does it make any sense that we’ve turned our country over to people who don’t really have a direct stake in it?”
— JD Vance
This coming from a man who advocates that women stay in violent marriages in favor of the children. I met a woman yesterday who would be dead at the hands of her ex-husband if her dog hadn’t intervened.
When I posted in favor of women's body autonomy on Notes recently, this response came through:
Cool. Why do people seem to think this is a laughing matter? Somehow I doubt it would so entertaining if it were men’s rights on the line.
I will not allow someone else to say what is or is not appropriate for me to do with my body.
If you are feeling your blood begin to boil, I feel you. What are we supposed to do with all of these big feelings? Where can it go to be productive, instead of engaging in toxic online arguments.
Move it. Sound it. Transmute it. (More on that below.)
First off. Your rage is holy. Your anger is sacred.
Anger is a powerful resource. Our emotions are wise teachers. When anger and rage flares, it points to our boundaries and values that are being violated. Anger is meant to be fuel.
“Anger can give you the strength to make different decisions and deliver painful messages to people who need to hear your displeasure or your desire. If you’re out of touch with your anger or can’t express it effectively, you may keep it inside, where it may work against you. …
Remember how you have been misunderstood, violated, offended, taken advantage of. That primal anger is useful to you now. Don’t undervalue it. Let it influence how you behave; let it teach you. Don’t be an angry person, chronically affected with it. Let your anger provide the fuel for everything you do.”
— Thomas Moore
Sadness is an emotion that is allowed for women within polite society. But anger? Culture doesn’t like angry women. And black women bear the brunt of this vitriol.
I believe that we are an embodiment of the goddess in the the waking world. God lives through each of us. Even the fearsome goddess of death herself, Kali.
Kali is the Hindu goddess of death, time, and doomsday. She is often associated with sexuality and violence but is also considered a strong mother figure and symbol of motherly love. Kali embodies shakti – feminine energy, creativity and fertility – and is an incarnation of Parvati, wife of the great Hindu god Shiva.
