Yesterday would have been our anniversary
A love letter to the life we shared.
Welcome to Sex and Style, where we pick up where sex-ed left off. Written by Certified Sexologist Sarah Ward, this newsletter delivers weekly tips on embodied erotic reclamation, nervous system attunement, and the healing power of pleasure — straight to your inbox.
I wrote this last year and was so overcome with grief that it was clear I wasn’t ready to share.
Yesterday would have been our 18th wedding anniversary and a 22-year-long romantic relationship. The longest romance I’ve ever had — besides the one with myself.
This marriage is officially old enough to move out and go away to college.
Instead, we are finalizing the divorce papers.
It’s a hard pill to swallow.
In this relationship I became the woman I am.
This marriage was a vehicle. It took us places faster than we’d have gone on our own.
It was a laboratory of becoming.
In it, I found my footing. I learned to surrender into love, into the care and stability of the masculine. I waded deep into pleasure. I had spaciousness enough to form my own opinions and make decisions — even when they hurt.
Despite the decrescendo of love and the dissolution of the marriage, I retain the love.
Love and safety were gently hardwired into my nervous system. My perpetual anxious attachment style was soothed in secure love.
I feel blessed to have been loved by this man for as long as I was.
On the other side I know that longevity isn’t the only marker that matters in love.
Look where I landed. Look where he sweetly deposited me for my second act.
Divorce is like someone died, except no one brings you food or flowers.
Without a ritual that exists for divorcees to mourn with loved ones, the heavy grief is carried mostly alone, behind closed doors.
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