An Ask Me Anything on Pleasure, Sex and Style
An AMA to kick off the year of the snake, open for 48 hours!
Sex and Style is written by Certified Sexologist and Somatic Sex Coach Sarah Ward. This is intended as general advice. If you’d like a personalized guidance, I’d be honored to connect with you in a discovery session.
Happy Lunar New Year's, Lovers!
Today we say goodbye to the Year of the Dragon and turn the wheel into the Year of the Snake. I’m sitting in the energy of the snake as I write: cunning wisdom, intuition, grounding, rebirth and the wise shedding of skin.
As we have this chance to begin again, ask yourself:
What do you desire to call in this year?
What are you willing to release to make space for it?
In the spirit of renewal, I created a beautiful 32-page eBook, The Pleasure Manifesto, to help guide you through your erotic vision for 2025. Get yours here:
Today’s post is a little different—it’s all about you.
Instead of me setting the scene, I’m opening up the floor for you to steer the conversation. What’s alive in your life that I can support you with?
For Chinese New Year, in my family we give red envelope 🧧 with lucky money inside! Consider today’s post my red envelope gift to you—a chance to get clarity or a reframe from a Certified Sexologist, Somatic Sex Coach, and Wardrobe Stylist.
Here’s some topics that are within my realm of expertise:
Sex, love, intimacy and romantic relationships
Eroticism, desire, and the Erotic Blueprints™
Sacred sexuality and neo-Tantra
Religious trauma and decolonization in the bedroom
Sensual embodiment and pleasure
Ritual and sacred space
Personal style, shopping and wardrobe styling (yes, it’s all inter-connected!)
Here’s how the Ask Me Anything (AMA) works:
You’re invited to ask questions related to my areas of expertise—sex, love, sensual embodiment, personal style, etc.
I’ll answer questions for the next 48 hours. After that, I’ll start winding down the AMA. Here’s two ways to ask questions:
Ask in the comments section (Note: your name and photo will be visible since this is a public post)
Or send a question to my DMs for an anonymous response in the comments
A few ground rules:
Let’s keep this space safe and respectful.
As a space holder, I’m here to support you with thoughtful, curious questions that invite deeper connection and growth. I encourage you to ask about the topics above, or burning questions around sexuality, relationships, sensuality, or style.
If a question feels too personal, inappropriate, or outside of my scope, I’ll let you know. I reserve the right to decline to answer any question that does not align with the safe, supportive space I’m cultivating.
This AMA is open to everyone—future AMAs will be exclusive to paid subscribers, so enjoy this one on the house!
Bonus: I have a few openings for new clients right now, so if you’ve been curious about working together, check out my newly revamped 2025 offerings! Anyone who books a paid session by Wednesday at 11:59 PM will receive a FREE copy of The Pleasure Manifesto as my gift to you!
This is your invitation:
Use your voice. Take up space. Receive sweet support.
Sex and Style is written by Certified Sexologist, Somatic Sex and Relationship Coach and Wardrobe Stylist, Sarah Ward. She spent the last 20 years studying human sexuality and is certified in the VITA™ Methodology with Layla Martin and as an Erotic Blueprints™ Coach with Jaiya. For personalized support, schedule a free discovery call with Sarah.
I’m so glad you’re here. If something about this resonated with you, please press the heart ♥️ button to help other people discover it, too. If this was supportive for you, please consider becoming a free or paid subscriber to keep posts like this coming.
Here's an anonymous question from the DMs:
"For most of my life I've struggled to feel authentic and legitimate about my sexuality. I've always felt turned on about the same sex, fantasies, seeing men who are gorgeous. However I've never felt legitimate or authentic in my bisexuality, or feel confident calling myself that because I've never felt any desire to actually have real life sex with the same sex. I have been in swinging scenes and different scenarios and it's just never been a thing for me. I know the actual act of sex is not the definition, but within me and also to the outside world because I've never felt a very legitimate bisexual because of that. I'm not sure if there is a full question but maybe how do I feel more authentic and legitimate in my sexuality. I mean I've even wondered if I am bisexual because of that."
This is such a thoughtful musing and I appreciate your willingness to bring it forward. Your sexuality is uniquely yours, as personal as a fingerprint, and there's no right or wrong way to express it. Sexuality isn't just what you do, but how you feel.
Sexuality is a spectrum that can be fluid and evolve over time, depending on the seasons of our lives. The Kinsey Scale was developed in 1948 (which was groundbreaking at the time), and on it, a person can be ranked from from 0 (exclusively heterosexual) to 6 (exclusively homosexual). It helps to see that there is a range of straightness to homosexuality -- many of us aren't so binary, and likely to fall somewhere in the middle. (Note: The Kinsey Scale is imperfect, and has some limitations.)
It sounds like you're a self-aware human who also has put yourself into contexts where you could act on these feelings, if you felt so inspired. It may be that you appreciate gorgeous men, and feel turned on by same sex play and fantasies, without a desire to act on this. If we were to poll a random assortment of people, I would guarantee that many people find themselves in a similar place to you -- turned on by the same sex, but not necessarily interested in crossing over into making those fantasies a reality. Sometimes we can have fantasies that we want to enact. And sometimes a fantasy is a sexy thought exercise.
It's okay to own your feelings. It's okay not to feel like you fit in any particular box. The human experience is messy, and while it would be nice for everything to fit neatly into a box, that's just not the way it is always goes. And maybe in some distant future, you find yourself inclined to act. And maybe you won't. Regardless, you are the sovereign of your sexual experience. This is your domain, and you get to share it with whoever you desire to invite into it.
Could you offer advice about how to respectfully ask a female friend if she would be interested in pursuing a more intimate dating relationship without the conversation sabotaging the friendship if she is not interested in it being more than that?