37 Comments

I have bought jeans and shirts one size too big for the past few years, I decided no longer to ‘wrong’ my pre-menstrual body and squeeze into clothes, but to make space for all my fluctuations (practically and metaphorically!)

I love how you’ve stitched sex with style here, how perfect! Yes to dresses they really take the stressing out of dressing! X

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Yes to all of this! It's so funny/tragic, when we look at fashion models on the runways, they resemble malnourished pre-menstrual bodies. And these are the bodies that clothing is being designed to be seen on? What about all the variation that exists in the human body?

The metaphorical too-tight dress is definitely something I'm familiar with and strive to shed!

Thank you so much, Sarina, for recognizing this blend of sex and stye!

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This feels so true! I find my body is getting less tolerant of constriction as I age; the tightness of bra straps on my ribcage gives me the same sensation of restricted anxious breathing! Thanks for the suggestions, Sarah, your posts are always so enlivening.

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Thank you, Susannah, for your kind words and adding your voice to the mix! Isn't that the truth? Things that I used to tolerate, like tight sports bras, just feel insufferable now. We have options and we don't have to sacrifice our comfort. Isn't that fascinating, how the experience of shallow breathing feels like anxiousness. The body talks, in all its wonderful wisdom!

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I value comfort over fashion. I always have. My 52 year old body is done with high heels and anything that makes me uncomfortable. As a yoga instructor I wear yoga clothes, then I wear scrubs as an acupuncturist. I am basically in pajamas all day. The only time I actually get dressed is on the weekends, and I notice I gravitate toward the most nothing bras possible. No underwire, barely there, just enough to hold me up.

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There is something about age that puts you in the driver’s seat of what you wear. A certain “zero fucks given” that comes with the more times we circle the sun. I didn’t realize you had a career in acupuncture and yoga! It’s incredible where your path has taken you.

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I definitely give zero fucks generally anymore. 🤣 Especially with what I wear.

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Lead the way, Janine! Show us the path!

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I've been advocating for the freedom of dresses for over a decade!! thanks for this 💜

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You’re so welcome, MJ! May there be more freedom in our movement and our clothing!

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Oh, this is such a beautiful reminder of how INCREDIBLE our bodies are!! Thank you for the guidance to reconnect with the breath. The dresses are beautiful!! And I love that you’re a VITA coach. I love Layla’s work. I’m excited to have connected with you!! 🥰😘

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Isn't that the truth, Catherine! Our bodies are such phenomenal homes for our lives. Layla is a force of nature, working with her absolutely changed my life. I feel really honored to help continue this legacy. If there's any way I can support you in your journey, let me know. Welcome, it's so good to have you here!

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excellent description and truth - breathe freely, exercise contracting and releasing those muscles as much as your biceps and magic is already there...

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thank you Elena for your kind words. it's so true: the body already knows how to resource itself, it's our minds and stressful lives that get in the way. it's so possible to return to a native way of being. it's what we're made for.

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Just found you today - April 24. I look forward to reading more from you!

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Welcome, Jodi Rose! Pleasure to connect and have you here.

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After years of skinny jeans and fitted shirts, I am a much happier person wearing loose-fitting clothes. My go-tos are Flax and Gudrun Sjoden.

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Ginny, I'm so glad you shared what brand you live in! Isn't it a marvel what some flow in our clothes can do to our mindset?

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I definitely find flow and ease in the fluctuation of my body throughout the month when wearing looser styles that work for each phase compared to tight pieces. I ditched daily bra wearing years ago and have been slowly finding myself reaching for looser styles with each passing year.

Now excuse me while I go buy all of the dresses that you shared!

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So good, Amanda! Thank you for the reminder to unhook my bra. I am home alone, what do I need a bra for?? There's something about clothing as borders that is forming in my mind. With enough ease in our clothes, we can feel limitless.

That's amazing! Let me know if you pick up any of the Quince pieces! I'd love to hear your experience.

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I would love to avoid waistbands, but at least at this point, I need something to tightly hold my prolapsed pelvic floor up. Plus, chub rub.

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Cheryl, hearing you talk about your prolapsed pelvic floor sounds so challenging. I can see how the structure in a waistband could be supportive for you in this way.

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Thanks. :) If I could achieve holding up my crotch without a waistband that’d be great, but surgery is only solution for that I think. And those chub rub sticks only go so far.

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No kidding! Surgery sounds intense. I'm sure that you've done a ton of research into solutions. Have you worked at all with a pelvic floor physical therapist?

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No and I’d like to. Insurance doesn’t cover it.

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I have a few friends that have done several sessions with pelvic floor PT and found that it has been game-changing for them. Noticed that, too, about insurance. Paid out of pocket for mine, as well. Hopeful that you can get the support you need for your good body.

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I suffered from prostatitis for many years. I always had a feeling tight waistbands were not good for me. Thank you for this deep dive ! We have to BREATHE. Anything that inhibits this essential function can’t be life giving. Nicely done 🌊

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Thanks for sharing your experience, Remington. Did your prostatitis clear up on its own? I can only imagine that a tight waistband was less than supportive! It's wild how integral breath is for our very survival: we're basically two minutes worth of breath away from death. And yet we as a collective have so many things we do that inhibit our breath! It's honestly so transformative when you consider breath work can change how we feel in an instant.

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It took a lot of work and support from amazing healers to clear it up. Years of discomfort, focus and ultimately lifestyle changes.

If you’d like to know more about my recovery, here is my (very long winded and meandering) take on my journey :

https://zaneransom.substack.com/p/leap-day-miracle

Again, thank you for bringing the tight waistband to light. It’s so simple yet so ignored today. Breathing and function over looking flashy any day!

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Really glad to hear that you got the support you needed. As though you could have emerged on the other side of that triumphant WITHOUT paying the price and making the changes that you did. The body is so complex, sometimes we need people to decipher the messages.

Thank you for sharing your story, will definitely check it out!

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I live in mid rise straight leg, cotton demin jeans, t-shirts and sneakers. I'm all about feeling comfortable. My jeans ride just above my my hips held up by a leather belt I got in Telluride. No low waisted, high-waisted, skinny, factory torn, too short or too baggy jeans for me. Even my t-shirts are more oversized than required for my body type. If I want to be dressier, it's black jeans and a nice shirt.🤷‍♀️ I live in New Mexico, dressy clothes aren't required here. It's definitely a more relaxed lifestyle.

However, the brown silk midi dress is gorgeous and if I had somewhere to wear it, I'd buy it!!! But in black....

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Way to go, Morgan. I love how you are making space for yourself to exist through your clothing choices. It sounds like you have so much ease! Also, I didn't realize you were in New Mexico! So am I! What city do you live in? It's for sure a relaxed way of being here.

I'm a big believer in creating opportunities for dressing up. So many of the things that are commonplace these days used to be fancy affairs! Traveling by air. Seeing the symphony. Going out for an anniversary dinner. I love having the right dress handy when the opportunity arises!

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Thanks Sarah- I'm in Albuquerque. It's been home for a long time. My mom moved here in 1974 and I followed in 1982. I practiced law for a while and did the whole court wardrobe thing. Now I live quietly with my two dogs, books, music and classic films (and the occasional lover). So jeans it is. It's been difficult to find good jeans that are what I want, long enough and not tight. Wranglers and aeropostale are the best I've found at reasonable prices. I'm fairly tall and thin and long jeans seem invisible at times. I wear mostly statement t-shirts. Today's says LURK LAUGH LOATHE. My favorite one says NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN (w/ flowery picture of a uterus) 😏. I wore that one as a poll worker. I clean up well if necessary. It just isn't necessary. (That black silk dress is really tempting though...!)

Are you in Santa Fe? I've not been north in several years.

It's a unique place. I have a friend who does the opera every season.

I love living here. I've been here a long time and it's home. I'm content in my life (finally) and at this age, 70, it's enough. My dogs are my schedule and we're a familiar sight on the tramway path.

I went back and read your piece about the heat last summer. So I thought if I wrote I was in New Mexico, (hence the jeans) you'd know someone else went through the same brutal heat. There's no reason to expect this summer will be any more forgiving.

(I honestly never quite believed that the tfg would be dragged kicking and screaming into a criminal court he has no control over.

But today he has been.

Something works... yay New York!!)

I enjoy your writing. As a older woman with a reasonably active sex life that encompasses the erotic blueprints, you reaffirm, educate and entertain with grace and strength. I read about sex and everything to do with it, mostly from women writers. The pictures are great too.

Thanks.....

Morgan

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Morgan! Who knew that we were in the same city with so many similar interests! I love that in the vastness of the internet that we found each other! Isn't that how turn-on works? It's magnetic. I live on the edge of downtown Albuquerque and have been here since 2019 -- had a good six month run before the pandemic shut everything down. Boo.

Wow, you practiced law! That t-shirt NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN sounds spot on in our post Roe v. Wade era. If you're looking for long denim, a brand called Universal Standard might be a good fit for you. I styled for them and they make everything from size 00 to size 40 and have long lengths as well. Last I checked, a pair will run about $100 though they hold their shape really well.

I'm enjoying this season where it's cool enough at night to keep the windows open... soon we'll need the AC 24/7.

Thank you for your kind words about my writing. It's a pleasure to have you here, truly. It's a topic that I can never get enough of, and I am a voracious learner and love passing it along.

I'm confident that we'll find ourselves at an Erotic Blueprints event! Looking forward to it.

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Great post! “Our culture loves tiny waists and powerless women.” Free ourselves from the waistband!

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Thank you, Lane! It's hard to imagine a world where the waistband goes the way of the dodo bird. Having some room to breathe, I can get behind!

I sure love me some good waist definition... sometimes. Kind of like wearing high heels and eating indulgently. All things in moderation!

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Aug 22
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Comfort will not lead you astray!

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