What It Means to be Thirsty
Hello from the messy middle. Or, what I learned about resilience from the Emergency Room.
Sex and Style is written by Certified Sexologist and Somatic Sex Coach Sarah Ward. This is intended as general advice. If you’d like a personalized guidance, I’d be honored to connect with you in a discovery session.
He buries his face in the crook of my elbow and purrs. The tears spill onto his fur. Neither of us move.
It’s 2:33 am on Sunday at the emergency clinic. Max, my beloved cat, had been losing weight, drinking water non-stop, and become lethargic before I took him to the vet.
After blood work an hour earlier, the ER vet walks in to give the diagnosis. “Diabetes,” he says simply, sitting on the floor across from me as I digest this news.
“Dehydration can exacerbate a pre-existing condition.” It hasn’t been a week since I got home from the holidays. I scan my memory — I’d asked the pet sitter to refresh their water bowl daily… did something get lost in translation?
The vet is kind. It’s been a few years since the last vet visit, and there was no sign of diabetes then. He doesn’t blame me for not coming in sooner. I can do that perfectly fine on my own.
The vet uses big words like ketoacidosis. “I don’t know what that is,” I say, inviting him to educate me in ways I can understand. He doesn’t mention how life-threatening the situation is, though I find this out later in a research spiral.
For now, I ask the questions that I can summon in the wee hours of the morning. How long? How much? When can we bring him home? How do we know when we’re done? Underneath is the unspoken request: tell me he’ll be okay, tell me he’ll be okay.
He patiently answers me. Moving forward, consistency is key: I’ll need to administer insulin twice a day and feed him the same food. 😬 Cats are notoriously picky eaters.
One day things can seem fine. And the next, they’re not.
Last week, Max sat on my lap as I typed. I caught him gazing at me and stopped, mid-keystroke, and looked deep into his eyes, absorbing all the unconditional love on offer.
Later, we made eye contact in the kitchen and he winked at me. I beam.
When cats slow blink, they’re giving you a visual hug, saying “I love you.” They risk closing their eyes because they feel safe with you. Big cats like lions and tigers do it, too.
This feline non-verbal cue spills into other parts of my life. I slow blink at my love across the room at parties. He slow blinks in return.
The vet tech has returned for me to sign papers.
The quote is astronomical, equivalent to my household expenses for a month. She shows me where to initial to approve the emergency care. Where to sign to give permission to resuscitate. Where to sign for a DNR. The gravity is dizzying.
She has an earbud in one ear, and the dance music is audible over my keystrokes.
“I can hear your music,” I say, trying to keep my voice from breaking.
She blinks at me, surprised. “I didn’t realize you could hear…” and turns the music off.
It takes her three times to enter her password to log back into the computer.
What does it mean to be thirsty?
Thirsty for sustenance.
Thirsty for survival.
Thirsty for attention.
Thirsty for love.
To drink and never be satisfied must be its own kind of madness.
“He was like a raisin,” the vet explains, drinking constant water, but unable to satiate his thirst. Cleaning the litter box last week, you’d think we had five cats.
It reminds of the ways that we seek out attention that never leaves us feeling full.
With Type 2 Diabetes, there are plenty of nutrients in the blood, but no working receptors where the insulin can land.
To be surrounded by water, and slowly dying of thirst.
The vet calls with updates: he’s responding well to treatment.
At our visit, the vet tech tells me his bed is like a cloud.
When she listens for a heartbeat, she can’t hear it over the purring. ♥️
Everyone falls in love with him — just like always.
If everything goes according to plan, he’ll come home today.
Hello from the messy middle. If there’s anything to take away, it’s this:
When a crisis hits, tending to your own well-being is just as important.
Pause.
Take a moment to ground yourself. Put your hands on the large bones of your pelvis — it’s the closest thing to earth you have in your body.
Give yourself a butterfly hug.
Put on a sweater that feels like a hug.
Drink tea that feels like a hug from the inside out.
Allow yourself to eat comfort food. (This is permission to eat the bread, bb.)
Run your hands across your skin and notice the pleasurable sensations it produces.
Pleasure, after all, is medicine in its own right — one that doesn't need a prescription.
If you’re curious about a pleasure practice, here’s some recommended reading:
That’s the thing about pleasure. It’s a renewable resource — and it’s totally free.
What about you, love? What are you currently navigating in your own life? How are you coping amidst the challenges? If you’d like to be witnessed, I invite you to:
Sex and Style is written by Certified Sexologist, Somatic Sex and Relationship Coach and Wardrobe Stylist, Sarah Ward. She spent the last 20 years studying human sexuality and is certified in the VITA™ Methodology with Layla Martin and as an Erotic Blueprints™ Coach with Jaiya. For personalized support, schedule a free discovery call with Sarah.
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I hope Max is doing ok. Feline diabetes is treatable, but can be very expensive. If you are not far from a School of Veterinary Medicine, they can be of assistance.
Sweet baby Max sending you love and your mama too! ❤️