Nine Ingredients for a Pleasure Practice

Instead of finding the fastest route between A to B, a pleasure practice is an opportunity to take the scenic route.

Photo by Valeria Boktneva

Sex and Style is written by Certified Sexologist and Somatic Sex Coach Sarah Ward. This is intended as general advice. If you’d like a personalized guidance, I’d be honored to connect with you in a discovery session.

A pleasure practice is a way to map the terrain of your sensual pleasure.

It’s a way to meet yourself. To explore what you like.

It’s a reminder that you are a self-sustaining organism. That the feel-good is inside of you.

Plus, pleasure is medicine so this kind of consistent practice is deeply healing.

Today’s post will build where our popular post Seven Reasons to Cultivate a Pleasure Practice left off, sharing the ingredients that go into a healing pleasure practice. If you haven’t read it, here you go!

1. Time. Start slow. Warm up your body with non-sexual touch. Apply lotion everywhere and meet your body. Pay attention to what feels good. Breathe into the pleasure you feel.

Explore your erogenous zones. Give yourself a sensual breast massage. Take your sweet time to arrive at your clitoris. Think about it. If you don’t like it when a lover goes straight to the sweet spot, it's a version of the same thing when you do it to yourself.

2. Set an intention. What is the reason that you’re showing up for pleasure practice? How would you like to feel? Dripping with desire? Perfectly connected to your sensations? Connected to the cosmos?

Craft your intention in the present tense so that it’s something to experience in the now, vs. in the future.

3. Practice consent with yourself. The Sex-Ed of today is woefully lacking. All we learn about is how to prevent pregnancy and STI’s — nothing about pleasure or consent.

This a perfect opportunity to model consent with yourself. Check in with your body. Are you a yes to sexual touch? Are you a yes to penetration? Are you a no? Or are you a not yet?

As you meet these parts of yourself, take care to honor whatever comes, even if it’s a no. Don’t override.

If it’s a no, no worries. Be a safe lover to yourself. Meeting yourself and honoring your desires are foundational to a healthy pleasure practice.

4. Use plenty of lube. Regardless of how turned on you are, having a tube of lube close by during a pleasure practice is always a good idea.

The vagina self-lubricates when aroused, however the clitoris, the glittering jewel of the vulva, does not. Lube is love so grab your favorite water-based lube and when you’re ready for touch, apply liberally to the vulva.

Lube helps to decrease friction and increase pleasurable sensation. Remember, saliva and lube aren’t the same thing.

My favorite lube is Good Clean Love. It arrives on my doorstep on a monthly subscription. Worth every dollar.

Photo by Good Clean Love

5. If desired, introduce a toy. For a pleasure practice, let your vibrator sit this one out. There are some women that looove their vibrators, and I’m not looking to kill anyone’s vibe!

A vibrator can accelerate the orgasm process. We’re here to slow.it.down. To teach your body to respond to the subtlety of touch. Instead of how fast can we get there, ask yourself, how little stimulation is needed for me to reach peak pleasure?

I recommend glass toys like a crystal wand, g-spot massager, or anal plug if you want to be adventurous. The vagina responds well to the weight of the glass.

Through this conscious pleasure practice, we are re-sensitizing the vagina to experience more pleasure.

6. If your usual masturbation practice involves fantasy, experiment with leaving fantasy out. Instead, pay attention to your sensations.

Practice saying aloud what you are feeling and where. This bridges the gap between the right and left brain. The act of naming and claiming your pleasure is an act of reclamation.

7. Breathe into your yoni. Breathe into the pleasure. See if you can turn up the dial on your pleasure. Breath is a powerful way to bring yourself to altered states of conscious, without any substances.

8. Sounding. Sounding is a powerful tool to tap into your turn-on. Deep, embodied sounding tones the vagal nerve and helps your body know you are safe. It also amplifies pleasure.

9. Awareness. See what comes up for you. When you are attuned to your body and it’s messaging, you may encounter shame, or annoyance or even disgust. Make space and be open to it all. Allow it to be here.

Instead of being goal-oriented, just enjoy the journey, wherever it leads.

I recently had an extended energy orgasm. While it was deeply pleasurable, it was accompanied by some unexpected guests, fear and rage — an anger-gasm if you will!

Since I stayed connected to the waves of pleasure that were cycling through my being, the fear could be there. The rage had a home in me. It wasn’t at risk of becoming a part of my unconscious shadow since I could hold it. Regardless, it felt phenomenal. 10/10, highly recommend.

Pleasure is medicine. A spoonful of sugar. It helps to digest challenging experiences so they can be composted and become something new.

Pleasure keeps us coming back, coming home.

Pleasure keeps us cumming.

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Sex and Style is written by Certified Sexologist, Somatic Sex and Relationship Coach and Wardrobe Stylist, Sarah Ward. She spent the last 20 years studying human sexuality and is certified in the VITA™ Methodology with Layla Martin and as an Erotic Blueprints™ Coach with Jaiya. For personalized support, schedule a free discovery call with Sarah.

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