A Guide to Oral Sex for Women and Vulva Owners, Part II: The Feast
Oral sex techniques to take her to peak states of pleasure.
Last week, I published Part 1 of A Guide to Oral Sex for Women and Vulva Owners: the Slow Burn, part of the Sarah Sutra Q&A series.
Sarah Sutra is where a paid subscriber can submit a question which I’ll answer and share with all subscribers. If you’d like to submit your own burning question, you’re invited to upgrade to paid! This is your last chance to get in at the original rate $8/mo or $80/year before the price goes up later this month!
If you haven’t read Part 1 first where we set the stage for pleasure, dive in now. If you’re caught up, let’s pick up where we left off, lovers!
NOTE: Throughout this piece, I will be referring to women and vulva owners and while I will use the pronoun “she” for simplicity, I want to acknowledge that not all vulva owners identify as women — or with “she”. There is an entire spectrum of gender and pronouns.
6.
Once she is warmed up and ready to receive, start on the outer vulva and make your way in gradually.
Build anticipation by kissing the inner thighs — the thighs are highly charged and sensitive erogenous zone.
Exhale warm breath onto the vulva.
Play with the outer lips first. Don’t forget that you can use your hands.
7.
Experiment with different techniques and directions.
Start with a flat tongue. When you approach the clitoris, start gently with a flat tongue and lighter pressure. Go slow. Imagine the motion of licking an ice cream cone.
Add in different techniques and directions, and begin to gradually increase in speed and pressure:
Directions
Up and down, including the vaginal opening
Side to side
Circles around the vulva or the clit
Techniques
The flat tongue
Use the tip of your tongue
Gently suck on her clit
Ask to insert a finger or two inside of her. Stimulate her g-zone from within by using a “come hither” motion with your fingers in the direction of the frontal vaginal wall, near her belly button.
Pro tip: Apply some gentle pleasure to her lower abdomen as you do this, which can be highly pleasurable for many women.
8.
Communicate and listen to her body!
Check in periodically and ask:
“Is this good for you?”
“Faster or slower?”
“More pressure or less?”
Pay attention to her responses — with movement, moans or words — and cater the experience to what she likes.
9.
Experiment with different positions. Here’s some popular ones:
Get on your knees. Have her sit on the kitchen counter, table, or edge of the bed and like the Nicki Minaj / Ariana Grande song says, get on your knees.
Missionary position. When the receiver is lying down, position yourself between her legs. Try propping her hips with a pillow or yoga mat for better access.
Kivin method. Starting lying down, the Kivin method has the giver giving from the side at a perpendicular angle. This lets you reach different spots on the vulva to provide different sensations.
Invite her to sit on your face. The giver lies down and the receiver straddles your head, allowing her to control how much pressure she is willing to receive.
Skip ‘69. Rather than trying to give and receive at the same time, let her focus on receiving. Receiving isn’t a passive act; it’s active.
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10.
Celebrate her body and give genuine compliments. This sacred space between her legs is her most intimate space. Be aware that she may feel anxious about having your face between her legs.
Women can be self-conscious about how they look, smell or taste. Help to set her at ease by celebrating her body.
Every woman’s scent is unique to her. Breathe her in and tell her how intoxicating she smells and tastes.
Tell her how much it turns you on when she moans.
That her that she is so fucking sexy.
11.
Touch yourself. It can be hot for your partner to watch you feel pleasure as well, and let her know that you’re enjoying the process as well.
12.
Be consistent. When you find something that she likes, stick with it for a bit. Some men change up their approach too frequently which can feel chaotic to the receiver and have the opposite effect.
13.
Take orgasm off the table. This might seem antithetical, but if pleasure becomes the goal instead of orgasm, she is less likely to be so much in her head.
Many women that I talk to aren’t able to orgasm with a partner, so take the pressure off of everyone and let pleasure lead!
Dear Reader, I would love to hear what works for you, whether you’re the one giving or receiving oral sex. What turns you on? What do you enjoy the most when your lover goes down on you? What drives you wild? What would you love more of?
The Cliteracy Quiz
I am creating a course about Cliteracy this summer that is focused on cliteral literacy. While the comments have informed many ideas of what to include, I would love to hear from you: as a woman or vulva owner, or as someone who loves them.
Do me a favor and fill out this quick 5-minute survey!
So far I’ve had over 100+ people complete the survey, and your voice matters! Your unique perspective will help to ensure that you are represented.
One lucky person will win a sex toy!
Sex and Style is written by Certified Sexologist, Somatic Sex and Style Coach, Sarah Ward. She has spent the last 20 years studying human sexuality and minted it in 2021, certifying in the VITA™ Methodology with Layla Martin, and as an Erotic Blueprints™ Coach with Jaiya. For a personalized path to pleasure, schedule a free call with Sarah.
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14). Eat the butt
I am so eager to pleasure my Chiquitita but … I have been so … stupid … that she says she is afraid of me! Can’t understand Why!