13 Comments
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David Tindell's avatar

When you say "women and vulva owners," aren't you referring to the same thing?

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Sarah Ward's avatar

That's a fair question, David, thanks for asking. This is to use inclusive language for people and their gender identities.

I'm a cisgender woman, so I was born female and identify as female. I am a woman and a vulva owner.

If you consider a trans man (born female), they may still have female parts (vulva owner), unless they've had gender reassignment surgery, though identify as a man and not a woman. So they may be a vulva owner, but not a woman.

And gender is a spectrum, so there are certainly more examples of how this could look. Hope that this helps.

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David Tindell's avatar

Unless my high school biology class had it all wrong, chromosomes determine whether the person is male or female, regardless of what they do to their plumbing or how they feel about their identity that day. As we're constantly told, trust the science! In any event, I enjoy your column. (And my wife enjoys the results!)

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Corinne Farago TurnedOn Couple's avatar

Thanks Sarah. I wish they taught this in high school. Maybe some day.

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Sarah Ward's avatar

Corinne, what a notion! Can you imagine if they prioritized female pleasure in sex-ed?!? How revolutionary would that be -- it would shift everything.

It may take having a female president and more of a matriarchal society for that shift. I believe. Let's make it so.

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Ms. Cerulean Blue's avatar

Great post. So true that the foreplay is the best part. All that anticipation building… the heat… When the breath slows down and your knees start to weaken. Why would anyone want to skip straight to the McFlurry?

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camarasaurus's avatar

She Comes First by Ian Kerner goes into actual detailed techniques

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Sarah Ward's avatar

Yes, exactly! She Comes First is an excellent read. Part II of this series just dropped which includes the actual techniques for oral.

https://sarahwardco.substack.com/p/a-guide-to-oral-sex-for-women-and-eb5

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Bryant Duhon's avatar

I remain amazed that so many men remain clueless about how to pleasure their partners. To any men reading this and wondering: YES, DO THESE THINGS.

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Sarah Ward's avatar

Thank you for this enthusiastic validation of these suggestions, Bryant! In my experience, it feels like they miss the mark by rushing and showing off technique. But this isn't a performance. This is worship.

Thank you for being here and such an advocate of pleasure, dear Bryant!

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Bryant Duhon's avatar

An "advocate of pleasure," ooooh, I like that!

Technique is a good thing to have, but you gotta be able to adapt. Everyone has the same basic equipment, but different brands, sizes, and ways the equipment likes to be . . . handled. :)

I've developed a good set of skills over the years, but they get rolled out differently by partner (and, fingers crossed, think I've found a great, long-term partner to hone my technique further on! And vicey versy!).

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Fri's avatar

Loved thisss, thank you so much❣️❣️❣️ really appreciated it

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Sarah Ward's avatar

Thank you, Fri! It's a pleasure to have you here! Part II is going to be so juicy, so stay tuned!

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