And the Biggest Penis Award Goes To…
Humans.
Sex and Style is written by Certified Sexologist and Somatic Sex Coach Sarah Ward. This is intended as general advice. If you’d like a personalized guidance, I’d be honored to connect in a discovery session. Schedule a session during April and get a free bonus on communication that has saved many a relationship!
As a species, we have a fascination — some might say obsession — with size. And for good reason, because size does matter.
And what you do with what you’ve got? That matters, too. Because more than one thing can be true at once.
Last week, we explored curious mating habits across the animal kingdom. This week, we’re narrowing the lens to our closest relatives: primates — which includes us: humans.
🦧 Bonobos
Meet the hippies of the animal kingdom. Bonobos, our closest primate relatives, use sex the way we use small talk.
Excitement? Sex.
Meeting new friends? Sex.
Conflict resolution? Sex.
Feeding time? Sex.
Bonobos are rarely far from a fuck. Ever the adventurers, they’re fond of doing it M/F, F/F, M/M, FFM, MMF, group style — you name it. And since each session lasts just a few seconds, they can squeeze a lot of encounters into a single day.1
They're also one of the few species that engage in face-to-face intercourse and oral sex.2
While bonobos fuck to keep the peace, gorillas take a more muscle-forward approach.
🦍 Gorillas
Big body, small package.
Gorillas are the largest primate — with the smallest penis. The reason is fascinating.
Male gorillas can weigh over 440 pounds and lift the equivalent of two grand pianos. Their penis? Just 3 cm (1.2 inches) when erect — the smallest of all primates. Smaller, even, than a human newborn’s.
Why? It’s all about mating strategy. Gorillas are polygynous, meaning one alpha male mates with multiple females. Since he physically dominates the group, there's no need for a large penis or sperm competition.
Suzanne Harvey of the Royal Institution says3:
“When competition between males occurs through physical aggression, an alpha male may fight off rivals and control his own mating success without the need for sperm competition.”
Compare that with chimps, who live in multi-male, multi-female groups, where females mate with multiple partners. In those cases, the competition happens inside the female — with sperm duking it out. And that, dear reader, is why…
🍒 Chimpanzees
Chimps bring new meaning to go big, or go home.
In chimp society, reproduction is a competitive sport. Since female chimpanzees mate with several males when in estrus, chimp testes are 3x the size of a human’s, and about one-third the size of their brain.
The more sperm a male can produce, the more likely he is to out-swim the competition.4
🍌 Humans
Let’s bring it home.
Humans have the largest penis size relative to body size of any primate.
“Humans have a much longer and wider penis than the other great apes,” said Mark Maslin, a professor of Palaeoclimatology at UCL in an article for The Conversation.
We’re also the only primate without a penis bone (called a baculum).
The human penis is less flashy than other primates’. As one researcher put it:
“The human penis is in fact extremely dull — no lumps, ridges, flanges, kinks, or any other exciting features found in other primates.”
— BBC Future
That simplicity might actually be a sign of monogamy, according to some evolutionary biologists. Though that’s still up for debate.
So if you’re someone with a penis who’s ever felt self-conscious about your size, just know:
You’re at the head of the primate penis pack.
At the end of the day, our largest sexual organ is one we all have, regardless of your gender:
🧠 The human brain.
It’s large, throbbing, wet and wildly imaginative.
We are creative. We fantasize. We invent reasons to touch and be touched. We tell stories. We make meaning.
Turns out, the most erotic part of us isn’t between our legs — it’s between our ears.
Sex and Style is written by Certified Sexologist, Somatic Sex and Style Coach, Sarah Ward. She has spent the last 20 years studying human sexuality and minted it in 2021, certifying in the VITA™ Methodology with Layla Martin, and as an Erotic Blueprints™ Coach with Jaiya. For a personalized path to pleasure, schedule a free call with Sarah.
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Frans de Waal, Our Inner Ape
Suzanne Harvey, UCL, via Royal Institution
LiveScience
Fascinating and hilarious! I love the humour you bring to sex and sexuality 👏🏽
Always so informative I thoroughly enjoy reading your works.