How to Codify a Woman's Body for Pleasure
Ways to get her in the mood, build erotic energy, and make her beg for more.
Sex and Style is written by Somatic Sex Coach Sarah Ward. This is intended as general advice. If you’d like a personalized guidance, I’d be honored to connect with you in a discovery session.
Oh hey! 👋 I just got home from an Erotic Blueprints coach event in Boulder, CO, so this post is coming to you a little later than usual. More juicy stories to come! And now, without further adieu…
Codify: verb. Arrange into a systematic code. For our purposes, to codify a woman’s body is to create a reliable code for building erotic energy.
Alright friends. I have good news and bad news. Bad news first.
It’s practically impossible to codify a woman’s body.
Yes, you can map a body for pleasure (more on that another day!). And I highly recommend to map your own body to discover new things that you didn’t know you liked — and your lover(s) body, as well.
However. When it comes to finding a recipe that you can follow every time to help her reach orgasm: here’s the kicker. It isn’t going to look the same every time.
Even if you’ve been with the same woman for a decade.
Especially if you’re with a new partner.
Every day she is going to be a different version of herself. Her hormones fluctuate. Her moods change. How her day went will have an impact. What sends her over the moon one night, she may not respond to the next.
Women are as changeable as the ocean. They are vast and varied and have the potential to be erotically sophisticated.
The good news?
While every woman is different, here’s some erotic information that you can bank on:
One.
There are established erogenous zones all over the body. Get familiar with these! I highly recommend scheduling a low-pressure play session where you explore your lover’s body to see what they respond to. Even if you’ve been together for years.
Give it a try and let yourself be pleasantly surprised by what you discover!
Two.
Many women like having lots of foreplay before being touched erotically. Going for the goods too fast can cause some women to short circuit.
It’s all about the journey, not the destination. Take your time. See if you can get her to beg.
Three.
If you listen to her how she voices her pleasure through sounding in the bedroom, you can learn a lot about what she likes. This will allow you to map her erotic terrain anew each night.
Four.
Since not everyone is confident in their communication in the bedroom, she may not feel comfortable speaking up in the moment.
Before a sexy session, I recommend taking a few minutes to establish what each party wants to explore and experience. For example:
Are there toys that you would like to introduce?
Would you welcome oral sex?
Would you like to be restrained or tied up?
Is anal sex on the table?
Would it be fun to engage somewhere other than the bedroom?
Talk about it before you jump in so that everyone involved can feel safe and sink deeply into the experience.
Five.
When it comes to what makes a woman cum, less than 1/3 of vulva owners will climax from penetration alone — as pleasurable as penetration may be. Prolonged stroking of the clitoris is the most reliable way to bring a woman to orgasm.
Since the heterosexual sex script often ends when the male partner comes, if couples aren’t prioritizing clitoral stimulation, then the female partner won’t build enough arousal to bring her to orgasm.
Six.
Not every vulva owner will orgasm with a partner. They may be able to bring themself over the edge when they’re having solo sex, but it can be challenging with a male partner (in particular).
If that’s the case, take your focus away from the goal and just find ways to enjoy the pleasure of the experience instead. You may like this piece as well:
Last year on National Orgasm Day, I got into the details of the orgasm gender gap. Females that have male partners orgasm 65% of the time, whereas males orgasm 85% of the time. When women are in sexual relationships with other women, it changes things: they orgasm equally. A new study published in April 2024 in Social Psychological and Personality Science had some important findings on the priority for orgasm between heterosexual and lesbian sex:
The first study asked a mixed group of 476 heterosexual women and lesbians about the importance of orgasms and their expectations about climaxing during sex. It found that lesbians reported more clitoral stimulation in their sexual encounters, higher orgasm expectations, greater orgasm pursuit and having more orgasms than heterosexual women. However, orgasms were equally important to heterosexual women as they were to lesbians.
Seven.
Tomorrow is National Orgasm Day! Regardless of your relationship status, consider this your invitation to prioritize feeling good! Pleasure is your birthright.
In honor of National Orgasm Day, I’m hosting a workshop called MORgasm on Wednesday, July 31! This one-hour workshop is full of practical tools from a Somatic Sex Coach to help you and your partner reach new heights of pleasure.
MORgasm will speak specifically to vulva owners, and will be beneficial for people who are in lovership with someone with a vulva. You’ll learn strategies that you can test drive to enjoy more pleasure.
The details:
Wednesday, July 31 at 5pm PST / 8pm EST
MORgasm will be held on Zoom — the link will be sent the day of the event
Wanna come? All you need to snag your ticket for MORgasm is to be a monthly or annual paid subscriber! You’ll get access to the live event, and the recording in case you can’t attend live. If you have questions, just email me or comment below with your burning question for the Q&A session.
If you’ve been considering upgrading, now is a perfect time! If you’d prefer to pay a la carte, tickets are available for $20.
Women's bodies are a mystery worth uncovering. Get curious, communicate openly, and let pleasure be your guide. At the end of the day, there's no one-size-fits-all approach to erotic satisfaction. The key is to listen, learn, and enjoy the journey together.
Come join me for MORgasm on Wednesday to learn practical tools for enhancing your erotic connection!
Sex and Style is written by Certified Somatic Sex and Relationship Coach and Wardrobe Stylist, Sarah Ward. She has spent the last 20 years studying human sexuality and minted it in 2021, certifying in the VITA™ Methodology with Layla Martin and as an Erotic Blueprints™ Coach with Jaiya. For personalized support, schedule a free discovery call with Sarah.
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I’m wondering if men would relate more to this information being provided by a member of the same or the opposite gender
This is very important information that sadly men are often woefully ignorant of