One of My Best Lovers Is a Rock (Yes, Really)
I traded purity culture for a rose quartz dildo.
Sex and Style is written by Certified Sexologist and Somatic Sex Coach Sarah Ward. This is intended as general advice. If you’d like a personalized guidance, I’d be honored to hold space for you in a complimentary discovery session.
One of my best lovers is a stone. Seriously.
My rose quartz dildo from Chakrubs has weight, girth, and a quiet presence that gives without asking anything of me.
The weight invites my system to unfurl. The energetic signature of rose quartz is self-love, compassion, and emotional well-being, which helps to melt the old conditioning and inherited scripts that sex is shameful.
Because I grew up in the Mormon church, my For the Strength of Youth pamphlet made it clear that touching myself was a sin. So, I waited. Suppressed my sensuality and did my best to put pleasure on the back burner until I was married and sex became sanctioned.
I remember reasoning, “If God didn’t want me to touch myself, then he/she/they would have put my genitals somewhere else.” But they were right there. In arm’s reach. The accessibility in the design of my body and easy access to pleasure points had to mean something.
It took until my Saturn Return when I was 30 to start unpacking it all. Even though I was a married woman, the shame around sex was still something I carried like an albatross around my neck.
These old beliefs started to feel like a dress that was too tight. As I looked closer at this conditioning in therapy, I realized that having a healthy curiosity about my body was not just okay, it was good. Encouraged, even.
At a Mormon feminist retreat, I heard Sex Therapist Jennifer Finlayson-Fife share her graduate school thesis: Mormon women who had explored their bodies before marriage were far more likely to have a healthy sex life after marriage.
And there it was:
The very thing we were told was off limits was the key to a healthy sex life.
In the flamenco world, one of the best compliments you can receive is “tiene peso” — “you have weight.” In a culture like ours, where desirable often means small, this idea hits different. Having weight means you’re rooted. Present. Tethered to the earth. Drawing nourishment up through your feet to your hips. Anchored in your sensuality.
And that’s how I think of toys — especially the ones with real weight to them.
If you’re a vulva owner like me, the vagina loves the weight of toys made from glass, steel, or stone. It’s grounding. Like a weighted blanket for your insides. A heavy toy can tether you to the earthly pleasures at your fingertips. Literally.
We’re in the final days of Masturbation May — which means it’s the perfect time to invest in solo sex. Think of it like playing the instrument of your body. The next time you show up to make beautiful music with a lover, your instrument will be tuned for pleasure.
Sex toys are an incredible tool to activate different parts of your pleasure body. One of my readers said that with the Vivifie toy, she was able to unlock vaginal orgasms and blended orgasms.
A new toy can feel like a new lover. And if you’re partnered, a toy isn’t meant to replace anyone. Since our lives are full and desire levels vary, a toy is a tool for satisfaction on demand. It’s a fun thing to bring to a sexy context.
Bodies aren’t machines, so if an erection fades, as they sometimes do, a toy can step in for a spell and give your lover what they crave.
If you’ve been curious about sex toys but feeling intimidated by the options (I get it), I created something for you:
A Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys
A Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys is a robust, 40-page love letter to your erotic self. It breaks down:
Toys for different genders and preferences
How to choose body-safe materials (and avoid sticky, toxic ones)
How to find the right lube for your toy — and your body
The real difference between dildos, wands, vibes, and all the buzz in between
Myth busters: will a vibrator break my clitoris?
Here’s how it works:
✨ Paid subscribers get access to the full guide for just $8/month or $80/year
✨ Or get yours a la carte for $27
✨ I did all the research for you and compiled it in one place to make it nice and simple for you.
Because lbh: Google shouldn’t be your sex educator. Here’s a sneak peek…
Silicone mimics the feel of skin and is body-safe — but keep it away from silicone lube. Silicones don’t play well together.
Borosilicate glass is shatter-proof and delivers weighty, sensual pressure.
Crystal toys aren’t just pretty — they bring a sacred energy to your solo rituals.
Considering upgrading? As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:
✨ Exclusive eBooks like The Pleasure Manifesto and the Yes / No / Maybe Checklist
🔥 Unzipped — steamy, true stories straight from the bedroom
💌 Intimate behind-the-scenes shares
❓ Submit a burning question to The Sarah Sutra
🔮 Somatic embodiment practices, rituals & live workshops and replays like MORgasm
❤️ The satisfaction of supporting a BIPOC woman doing her soul’s work
Click to join and keep this life-giving work alive. It means more than you know to have your support. ♥️
Are you ready to expand your pleasure horizons?